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Was your daughter job hopping, never staying at one job long before moving to the next? Was she taking on increasing responsibility/supervisor duties/management?
I'm surprised that she couldn't find instant work when she first came home with all of the seasonal work out there - that would have at least gotten her foot in the door somewhere. It's a little late to be applying for those seasonal jobs now, of course, because the holiday season is now close to halfway over. But since she's been in the business for a while she knows that.
Maybe it would be helpful for her to sit down with someone who knows how to write a resume.
lots of job hopping then landed a job as a manager. at the 10 month mark she was exhausted. opening and closing, managing employees and covering other managers shifts. then a new manager came in, he had a degree. she was demoted and eventually they mutually agreed to separate.
she is being encouraged to apply EVERY WHERE and to follow up on the application. the interviews are happening but the only offer was for waitressing. she has accepted that one but its weekends only. the resume has been updated :-)
OP wanted to vent, I understand that. It's so difficult to watch your children struggle to establish themselves in the world.
Many pursue careers in the service and hospitality industry. I'm curious as to why she pulled the plug, and came home. That seems like the place to start.
If OP is paying her bills, feeding and housing her, yet she won't talk about career and financial planning, it's time for a serious discussion on where this is going.
we have sat down as a family and discussed her financial needs as well as career and financial planning. serious discussions happened last night and tonight.
She is 31, moved back in with her parents, and not finding work. This is the time the parent pushes. I'd give an ultimatum. Either you find a job, do what we think is in your best interest, or move out by X date.
well, if that works for your and yours, great. but i will not give my daughter an ultimatum and make her feel worse than she already does. my style of parenting may not agree with yours but my daughter is not a lazy, drugged up chick with a house full of children and no ambition. she has a strong work ethic and my family is in a position to bring her in and help her figure her stuff out. some people can't go back home. my daughter can and i'm glad I'm in a position to offer her a place to stay instead of moving out by x date, but thanks tho.
OP: Why did she need to or want to move back home and why would you be paying any bills for a 31 year old adult?
she didn't want to come back home but she needed to because she could not afford the apartment she was living in. she did not care to live with roommates anymore and sleeping in her car was also not an option. i am paying her bills because she was considering bankruptcy - her debt is not that great: car note, phone bill, insurance. no babies, no credit cards. my family and i are in a position to help her so why shouldn't we if we are able and it doesn't put us in a bad spot? it won't be forever and we have established a repayment plan.
If I was in the situation as the OP, I would do that. I don't believe it's good for the kid for them to have a safety wet blanket after they turn 18. Parents can help, but not support them indefinitely. Kids need to learn to become adults at some point, and 31 is well past that. Of course, if my daughter fell on tough times and needed to return home, I'd at first open my doors but if she failed to find a job in a reasonable time frame I'd either expect her to apply for a trade or go back to school (and volunteer somewhere - no free time) or find a job or leave.
Still common today just not as common as it was in past, woman gets pregnant
and someone has to watch baby so she becomes a stay at home mom.
Many women are taken care of financially by their husbands.
Oh I know. When I was in college there were many Mrs. Degree seekers. Then in my 30s I started coming across them while they were divorced with a litter of kids, no skills, no job, and no career. It's ridiculous this still happens.
Oh I know. When I was in college there were many Mrs. Degree seekers. Then in my 30s I started coming across them while they were divorced with a litter of kids, no skills, no job, and no career. It's ridiculous this still happens.
"According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce."
Back when I was struggling to figure out how to support our daughter and how to deal with her husband who she had just found out was having a two year affair with a coworker, I heard from several women who stuck with the cheating spouse because they had no way to support themselves.
she didn't want to come back home but she needed to because she could not afford the apartment she was living in. she did not care to live with roommates anymore and sleeping in her car was also not an option. i am paying her bills because she was considering bankruptcy - her debt is not that great: car note, phone bill, insurance. no babies, no credit cards. my family and i are in a position to help her so why shouldn't we if we are able and it doesn't put us in a bad spot? it won't be forever and we have established a repayment plan.
Good for your family. If you can afford it, why wouldn't you do it? It's not like she's holed up in your basement playing video games and snarling at you whenever you suggest she apply for a job.
"There is nothing more important than a good, safe, secure home."
we have sat down as a family and discussed her financial needs as well as career and financial planning. serious discussions happened last night and tonight.
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