Are there any dads here who spend actual quality time with their babies? (toddlers, games)
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My husband spends a lot of time with our 13 month old baby. He bathes him, plays with him, cuddles him, makes him sleep most nights, feeds him every night, plays hide and seek with him, hold him, etc, etc. Just as much as i do it.
And thats how it should be.
And nobody should be congratulating a dad for doing the same things that moms have been doing for ever.
Honestly, it is a family-friendly workplace. It just underscores the differing priorities between two generations of fathers(which was the point of my post): the older generation prioritized "providing" and working as much as physically possible, while the newest generation would rather spend time with their kids than get paid double-time for an extra 20-40 hours per week. I think a big part of that is it now being the norm to have both parents working: it's no longer on one spouse to work themselves into the ground to provide for the family, which allows for a better work/life balance.
I understand, I wasn't dissing on them in particular. When everyone wants time, it means women won't get automatically pushed into the "mommy track" while men toil on the "career track." The father's I know are so happy that they have the ability to spend time with their children because they love every moment of it, and have gained so much from being close the their children. They tend to feel that the older generation missed out.
It's just a natural consequence that as men fight for time with their children, there is a benefit to women because when everyone is demanding flexibility, workplaces have no choice but to be as accomodating as they possibly can. This allows both genders to have fuller, more interesting and well rounded lives. The mom's I know enjoy their jobs and like knowing that dad will be able to take care of some of those Drs appointments and they won't be expected to be the only one making job adjustments for the children.
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Originally Posted by Chemistry_Guy
When my son was born, my wife and I both worked full time. My job has a lot of flexibility, though, so I just brought my son to work 3 days a week when his grandmother wasn't watching him. I put him in a sling while I met with my students, and he sat through many meetings. I spread a padded blanket out on my desk and gave him tummy time while I skyped my collaborators. Now that he is a toddler, he isn't so easily entertained, so my wife stays home with him now, but they still visit me at work at least two times a week.
I am sure it will change many times, but right now he is very much a daddy's boy. He will be two in December, and he has started singing very basic songs. My favorite is the one that goes "Daddy, daddy, daddy, Juju, Juju, Juju. (He calls himself Juju because he can't say his name.) This past weekend my wife suggested that he add the verse "Mommy, mommy, mommy..." but he shut her down by singing "Daddy, daddy, daddy, mom-no!, mom-no!, mom-no! He even shook his little fist to emphasize the "no!".Her feelings might have been hurt a little more if she didn't know that he was still mad at her for making him sit down in the bathtub.
It's wonderful that you have such a close and loving bond with your son and the way this happened is that you spent regular daily time with him when he was a baby. From what you said happened this past weekend with little man, it sounds like he has quite the cute and precocious personality!
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Originally Posted by Remington Steel
This is a surprisingly positive thread. I feared as I read through the pages it would turn into a "man-bashing" party! Good for you CD!
Ya know, after I first posted this thread, I had that thought creep into my head...that some people might start posting 'father-bashing' or 'husband/male bashing' posts instead of staying on topic - but...so far, so good!
Spent plenty of time with my two kids since they were born yes. Certainly no deficit here or any feeling I could have or should have done more. I have not modified my behaviour or attentions in any way between my son and my daughter though.
I do not buy into the idea that a father needs to give any special treatment to a daughter at all. My investments and interactions and activities with both of them have been essentially identical - and will remain so as much as possible.
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Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17
I've seen some dads hold their babies and hug them and talk to them for a bit but then they usually put them back down and go back to whatever they were doing.
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Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17
What an awesome daddy this guy is! <3 This baby is very lucky to have him!
The video is 2 minutes long though. How do you know he is not one of the fathers you describe? For all you know that was the first 2 minutes they spent together and the last for the rest of that year. Or for all we know he never puts the kid down. Impossible to know from 2 minutes of video.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
Spent plenty of time with my two kids since they were born yes. Certainly no deficit here or any feeling I could have or should have done more. I have not modified my behaviour or attentions in any way between my son and my daughter though.
I do not buy into the idea that a father needs to give any special treatment to a daughter at all. My investments and interactions and activities with both of them have been essentially identical - and will remain so as much as possible.
That's not what I meant with the post I wrote about fathers being regularly involved in their daughter's life. I didn't say that fathers have to 'modify' their behaviour with them or that fathers need to 'give special treatment' to their daughters. I'm talking about that it's good for fathers to give their daughters ANY attention as well as REGULAR ongoing attention from babyhood, childhood and then through the teen years.
Quote:
The video is 2 minutes long though. How do you know he is not one of the fathers you describe? For all you know that was the first 2 minutes they spent together and the last for the rest of that year. Or for all we know he never puts the kid down. Impossible to know from 2 minutes of video.
No, I honestly really don't know if the dad in the video is actually a horrible father who faked that cute interaction with his baby daughter for that one time and has totally neglected her for the rest of that year. However, I'm betting that he actually IS a good daddy because of the natural way he interacts with her and how he lovingly kisses her at the end....but, who knows, I could be wrong!
I didn't say that fathers have to 'modify' their behaviour with them or that fathers need to 'give special treatment' to their daughters.
Yet you said "there's a reason why I'm saying with daughters in particular" which very much does imply a level of differentiation or specialisation whether it was your intention to imply it or not.
And my response is that as a father I see no reason to do anything "in particular" with one over the other. How I raise them and treat them and interact with them is not just slightly but completely and entirely independent of their gender.
So when you write -
Quote:
Originally Posted by AprilFlowers17
I'm talking about that it's good for fathers to give their daughters ANY attention as well as REGULAR ongoing attention from babyhood, childhood and then through the teen years.
- I would simply change the word "daughters" to "children" and wonder why it would be any other way.
I genuinely can not think of a single thing - be it an interaction - a game - something I teach - a role I model or example - something I say or do - nothing that is in any way different or that I plan to every be in any way different between my son and my daughter.
I have to admit I am not much of a fan of infants. Still I spent the time watching them stare at me for hours, or talking to them in gibberish. It was nice when they got gas and made a face that looked like a smile. I like them when they can actually react to you, you can make them laugh etc. But the beginning part is terribly boring. Full disclosure: I do not like puppies either, at least not at the beginning stages.
But the beginning part is terribly boring. Full disclosure: I do not like puppies either, at least not at the beginning stages.
You would have hated a little activity I did with my kids recently then. You know what is more boring than puppies and new borns? Fetuses!
So we did a thing called "egg windowing". This is where you - with huge care - cut off a piece off the side of chicken eggs. Then you cover the new hole back up with a secure transparent material.
You can then watch the chick embryo grow. The entire process there for the kids to watch day by day.
They loved it - very engaged. One of the chicks did not make it so that was a learning experience too. All very educational and engaging and wonderful for the kids.
But if the lack of interaction with babies and puppies is not your thing - watching chick embryos floating around growing probably is not either
You would have hated a little activity I did with my kids recently then. You know what is more boring than puppies and new borns? Fetuses!
So we did a thing called "egg windowing". This is where you - with huge care - cut off a piece off the side of chicken eggs. Then you cover the new hole back up with a secure transparent material.
You can then watch the chick embryo grow. The entire process there for the kids to watch day by day.
They loved it - very engaged. One of the chicks did not make it so that was a learning experience too. All very educational and engaging and wonderful for the kids.
But if the lack of interaction with babies and puppies is not your thing - watching chick embryos floating around growing probably is not either
That sounds cool! I'm curious about the logistics of this. Are they in an incubator and do you live somewhere where you can raise the chickens?
I have to admit I prefer interacting with children once they start talking and really developing their personality but if we could do that on a person (probably no volunteers for that, lol), a window view of a fetus growing would be pretty amazing to watch.
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and the way this happened is that you spent regular daily time with him when he was a baby. From what you said happened this past weekend with little man, it sounds like he has quite the cute and precocious personality! 
No, I honestly really don't know if the dad in the video is actually a horrible father who faked that cute interaction with his baby daughter for that one time and has totally neglected her for the rest of that year. However, I'm betting that he actually IS a good daddy because of the natural way he interacts with her and how he lovingly kisses her at the end....but, who knows, I could be wrong! 
