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If the phone rings without a text I will assume it is an emergency and always answer.
That's weird.
Most people can pick up a phone and have a conversation without thinking twice about it. What makes you so special that you can flout basic social etiquette?
When you see that it's her number that's calling, just don't answer the phone. If you need to text her to let her know that all your'e going to answer is texts, that's the end of your problem.
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Kimmie, you need to have a "come to Jesus" conversation with her. She knows what you've asked, and she knows your limitations.
She's testing your love, and attention to her, vs. her brother who is still at home, and still getting your full attention.
It's time for her to step back and give you some space to prioritize yourself, and also parent your son who is still at home.
Maybe you could schedule a weekly half hour conversation with her, that you promise you'll be available to her.
OR, better answer, if it's an actual "emergency" after hours, she can call her father/your husband. So you're not on the hook to answer, and if it's not an actual emergency, she'll deal with it.
It used to be normal to just call people. Texting has made people more connected all the time, yet less able to talk. I would try to change YOUR response to phone calls, not her desire to talk with you, unless you're actually in a restaurant or concert or something and can't take the call. Then you text and say "sorry - in an appt, will call back later"
That's my two cents. Phones used to just ring and we didn't know who it was. Remember that?
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana Holbrook
It used to be normal to just call people. Texting has made people more connected all the time, yet less able to talk. I would try to change YOUR response to phone calls, not her desire to talk with you, unless you're actually in a restaurant or concert or something and can't take the call. Then you text and say "sorry - in an appt, will call back later"
That's my two cents. Phones used to just ring and we didn't know who it was. Remember that?
I certainly remember when it was normal to "just call people" and they would pick up. On the other hand, if your phone rang at 11 pm, as this OPs phone did, it was an emergency. Or a prank call.
I certainly remember when it was normal to "just call people" and they would pick up. On the other hand, if your phone rang at 11 pm, as this OPs phone did, it was an emergency. Or a prank call.
No one just called to chat at 11 pm.
True enough. No chit chat calls after ______ pm is a fairer rule than "don't ever call unless you text first" which seems a bit too distant for family, IMHO.
Personally, I like the text before phone call. I have a friend who always does this and I have started to do it also with other people. I feel it gives the person receiving the call the chance to either text me it's a good time, or text me it's not. Saves on voicemails which some people don't even listen to.
Texting or calling after 9pm is a no-go for me. My phone is on silent and I don't answer because I'm in bed asleep. People who know me don't call late anyway.
Like other people posted--stop answering your phone! It's the only way your daughter will learn.
This woman I am seeing now does a voice text with people she knows. I don't mean voice mail or voice to text. She simply records a small message and texts it to me which I can listen to when I have time. Which includes while I am driving since I don't need to look at my phone.
Other people that I know text 99% of the time to me. If someone wants to call me they text first to see if its a good time to take their call. I think its a respectful thing to do and do the same for them. This is not 1979. Back then you could only call someone. To feel like people should still just do things that way because that is how it used to be done is stubborn and selfish.
While I understand the concern that any of these calls may be an emergency I think for the short term you simply have to stop answering the calls. After a few times the daughter may get the message, especially if you explain it to her again in a text. You are right, you need to take care of yourself first. If the daughter refuses to respect your situation after you have explained it and continues to call, and gets upset when you do not want to talk late at night, she is being selfish and immature. Set her straight.
I always text my kids prior to a call. It gives them the power to set a preferred time.
It's highly presumptuous to think that you should be allowed to interrupt them at any time.
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