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So I never got around to sending her a text or card (I realized I didn't have her address and I didn't feel comfortable sending a mere text) but I feel so awful at my tardiness now because yesterday she texted me to see how I was doing and if I would like to meet up. Should I apologize for not saying much? I am of course planning to get a card and gift/cash when I meet her.
I would just avoid talking about the wedding when you meet up with her.it might be awkward to bring it up.
(Responding to the update in post #67). No, just give her the card in person and move forward. If she seems put out in some way, gently remind her that you weren't sure when the wedding happened. Say something like "I'm so glad you reached out, because I've been wanting to mail you this card, but realized I didn't have your current address!" Just leave it in the past and move forward.
This ^^^. You have no reason to be embarrassed or apologetic so do not act that way. Simply give her the card with whatever you choose to give her and mention the lack of her address if you feel it is appropriate.
If you are interested, ask her about the wedding. It would be a little strange not to talk about that so soon after the event but it does not have to be the total topic of conversation. You can decide at a later point how important you want this friendship to be to you.
I would send a card. I don't see any reason why you wouldn't.
Otherwise just communicate with her as you normally would, else you will be petty. How exactly would you reconsider your approach going forward?
Her availability will likely change now that she is married, but I don't see a reason to hold a grudge since she was at least up front with you about the lack of invite.
Why would anything change once she’s married?! Huh...? I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years, we get married today, absolutely nothing changes. The rules of the game were the same from a few months into the relationship until present and nothing changes by just saying “I do.” In fact we’ll both have way more time not messing around with this stupid ceremony and all of the planning that goes into that.
I would count myself lucky not to feel obliged to attend yet another wedding and reception! Have never really enjoyed the experience and expense. Send a card and call it good.
Every time a wedding is announced is announced in my social circle, it is my hope not to be invited. People keep inviting me though. I keep saying no to almost all. Occasionally, someone is wise enough not to invite me, which I like.
I don't think you have to do anything in that situation.
A friend who I had always thought of as one of my closest didn't invite me to her wedding as she wanted to keep it to her 'church' people and to manage the costs. She texted me a few weeks before the wedding to politely let me know and at that time I was fairly understanding (lol - I think I am still quite understanding of why she wouldn't want to invite too many people). But overtime a few things have started to bother me a bit:
- She didn't share the exact date of the wedding, just said that it is in few weeks. So all I know is that it was sometime in Jul. I am thinking I can be excused for not wishing her on the exact day of the wedding or close to it since I wasn't aware of the date
- The realization that how we perceived our friendship is definitely not in sync and this is making me want to reconsider my approach going forward.
Anyway, I still didn't get a chance to wish her (I was away on vacation) and by now I am sure the wedding would've taken place. Clearly, I wont be sending a wedding card or a gift but just a text. I don't want to be petty but I guess that's how I must be coming across.
How would you guys proceed if you were in a similar situation?
I would only be upset if I cared and really wanted to go. Otherwise I wouldn't mind not being invited, as it is mutual, it's about whatever feels right. But since you care, honestly it sounds like your friend is dissing you. Sounds like she's ready to drop the friendship you once had. THe way life goes sometimes.
This post is a perfect example of how we assign intent on the behalf of others. It's ridiculous.
Not only is this half-assed mind reading a waste of time, it creates conflict where there is none.
Yep. I mean the woman was considerate enough to let her know ahead of time to assuage any hurt feelings. And, guess what, THERE ARE HURT FEELINGS.
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