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My older sister's husband is my forbidden and unrequited love. I've always had a crush on him since the day I (then 12 years old) laid my eyes on him. He's handsome in every single way, both physically and in personality. They met during their HS years. They were 15 year-olds at the time. Before they started dating, I tried getting him in a couple conversations but to him, I was a kid and had no interest in me. It was too late when they started dating. I've kept my first journal dated back from the day I first met him.
14 Years Later
They've been married for 8 years, have a 5 year-old daughter and are now expecting twin boys. Even so, my love for him never waned. He's still the most decent, handsome guy I've ever met, just older but the same. Sadly I have to forget him. In my fantasies and private journals, it isn't just sexual fantasies (I was 14 the first time I had a sex dream about him) but the life I've imagined I would've had with him. Can this be normal?
OMG Christy is this you? It's your brother in law Bob and I feel the same way! You are so much younger and not as fat as your pregnant sister. Whew twins are going to be a lot of work! We should elope and spend the rest of our lives together!
GTFO...........this sounds like the beginning plot of a porn movie..........start the 70s porn soundtrack.
Is it normal? What’s your definition of “normal”? I think a lot of people fantasize but most do so with people whom they don’t know (celebrities, porn stars). And most know it’s a fantasy and continue on with their lives.
My concept of normalcy is that while I'm in love with him, I'll never act on it. That's why it's a fantasy.
But yes I need move on. I have to. Some days I worry about not finding a good, marriage-minded man on time. I've been experiencing baby fever lately. I really do care about my sister. That's why it was left at fantasies and all my private thoughts are on my journal, not to ever be shared with her nor anyone. Yet, I have to be ready to say goodbye to all those journals. As much as I'm in love with him, he's never going to be my man. There were two emotions I've felt when I assisted their wedding. It was both tears of joy for their lives together and of deep sadness for myself.
I hope the dating market improves. Too many men just want gfs to live together with them for years and not ever propose. It's either that or just friends with benefits type of arrangements. I'll keep trying. I just hope to find him on time.
i had a boss at one of my jobs who had an affair with her brother law. it had very tragic outcome. she got pregnant by the brother in law. the sister could not get pregnant. they stayed married, and my boss had the baby and gave it to her sister to raise. in part out of guilt for having the affair, in part out of guilt that her sister could not have children.
later in life when the son was in his early twenties, the sister who raised this boy as her own son became very ill and died. my boss continued to see and have an affair with the brother in law. she never married the brother in law. she went on to have a second son who she kept and raised herself. she never married although there were men interested in her who proposed. she said she had always had a thing for her brother in law and did not want to be with anyone else. when the second son was in his early twenties he died in a drunk driving accident (he was the drunk driver).
very disruptive set of family circumstances. i'm not saying this is the case for the opening post situation. However it was apparent in my boss's family that it wasn't just "attraction" to the brother in law, but it was also a way of stealing from her sister, and harming her sister. it was very toxic.
My older sister's husband is my forbidden and unrequited love. I've always had a crush on him since the day I (then 12 years old) laid my eyes on him. He's handsome in every single way, both physically and in personality. They met during their HS years. They were 15 year-olds at the time. Before they started dating, I tried getting him in a couple conversations but to him, I was a kid and had no interest in me. It was too late when they started dating. I've kept my first journal dated back from the day I first met him.
14 Years Later
They've been married for 8 years, have a 5 year-old daughter and are now expecting twin boys. Even so, my love for him never waned. He's still the most decent, handsome guy I've ever met, just older but the same. Sadly I have to forget him. In my fantasies and private journals, it isn't just sexual fantasies (I was 14 the first time I had a sex dream about him) but the life I've imagined I would've had with him. Can this be normal?
I'd say bob till you drop.
Fantasize away every day, maybe it will wear off.
I am of the belief that the sex instinct is God-given and therefore good, neither to be used selfishly nor despised nor loathed. Don't take advice from other people. Do what's right for you? Just because you have fantasies doesn't mean you have to act on them.
My concept of normalcy is that while I'm in love with him, I'll never act on it. That's why it's a fantasy.
But yes I need move on. I have to. Some days I worry about not finding a good, marriage-minded man on time. I've been experiencing baby fever lately. I really do care about my sister. That's why it was left at fantasies and all my private thoughts are on my journal, not to ever be shared with her nor anyone. Yet, I have to be ready to say goodbye to all those journals. As much as I'm in love with him, he's never going to be my man. There were two emotions I've felt when I assisted their wedding. It was both tears of joy for their lives together and of deep sadness for myself.
I hope the dating market improves. Too many men just want gfs to live together with them for years and not ever propose. It's either that or just friends with benefits type of arrangements. I'll keep trying. I just hope to find him on time.
Regarding your last paragraph, I have to sympathize with you there. I’m a 63 year old married woman, but I see what you’re talking about when I look at my younger friends and their relationships. It seems to me, that now at days, especially American men are not in a hurry to make a commitment. They just string you along for years. All I can say to you lostdreamer is Good Luck and have some Faith!
Regarding your last paragraph, I have to sympathize with you there. I’m a 63 year old married woman, but I see what you’re talking about when I look at my younger friends and their relationships. It seems to me, that now at days, especially American men are not in a hurry to make a commitment. They just string you along for years. All I can say to you lostdreamer is Good Luck and have some Faith!
No, they don't.
Men don't string women along. Women just go after the wrong man.
If men really did try to string women along, whatever that means, then women can just dump their ass and find someone else more worthy.
Remember, the difference between fantasy and reality is that there are never any imperfect things in the fantasy. It's just that. It's not real. Even if you were to one day get with this person, you have to understand the man you've been fantasizing about for 14 years is not the one that exists in real life. It would only lead to disappointment and tremendous damage to your family.
Burn the journals. Your fantasy needs to die before you do irreparable harm to yourself, him, your family.
You have an unhealthy obsession you wasted a lot of your life upon and ruined relationships. Arrested development and need to get evaluated and a diagnosis.
Shouldn’t this be under Relationships?
And why are these types of posts always Post #1?
OP, no, not normal. You need to move on, stop thinking about this guy.
This is not a relationship, it is an obsession, so mental health is more appropriate, in my opinion. The OP is living in a fantasy world that is detrimental to mental health.
I hope OP never, ever flirts with her sister's husband or in any way suggests she has the hots for him.
I do agree with lostdreamer's own diagnosis", which is "It has to be some jealousy towards my sister. She has what I want; a loving husband, stability happiness and kids."
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