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How do I kindly and constructively tell a friend that I think she needs to seek the help of a mental health professional? She knows she's dealing with anxiety and depression, and loneliness, which she freely shares with me, yet she has never mentioned she's considered finding a therapist. I'd like to make the suggestion and also point her in the right direction as to how to go about finding someone. Any suggestions?
How do I kindly and constructively tell a friend that I think she needs to seek the help of a mental health professional? She knows she's dealing with anxiety and depression, and loneliness, which she freely shares with me, yet she has never mentioned she's considered finding a therapist. I'd like to make the suggestion and also point her in the right direction as to how to go about finding someone. Any suggestions?
Instead of "telling" your friend she needs counseling, approach it less directly. When she brings up her struggles again take advantage of that opener. Tell her about someone you know (it could be a hypothetical person) who found working with a therapist improved their lives. This doesn't put her on the spot and sort of removes opinion from the equation...all you're really doing is relaying a story. Let that sink in. If she's interested at all she may ask more about it. If she isn't interested she may deflect or change the subject. Sort of lets you know whether the whole topic is within bounds.
As for how to find someone, do you both live in the same general area? You could do a bit of research into local service providers yourself so you could suggest a couple of names. If some of the work has already been done it might give her just enough of a push. You could also ask if her employer happens to have an EAP (employee assistance program) that includes connections to mental health service providers. The service can use a screening consultation to find out what specialties might be more helpful to her.
If someone has no clue where to start that can often get them going in the right direction. Important to note that people don't always "click" with the first counselor they see. They are human too. It can take trial and error to find the right fit.
Last edited by Parnassia; 03-07-2024 at 04:23 PM..
Thank you, Parnassia! I can do that (about the story)...great idea. My friend and I live halfway across the country from each other, and she's fairly new to her area, so asking about her employer's EAP is another great idea. She works for a fairly big company, she's got some decent benefits.
If she's lonely, it might be more helpful if you meet her for a walk, coffee, etc. - I love how everything is pathologized now. What do you think a therapist can do for her loneliness? lol
If she's lonely, it might be more helpful if you meet her for a walk, coffee, etc. - I love how everything is pathologized now. What do you think a therapist can do for her loneliness? lol
That's going to be an expensive walk! In the post directly above your reply, the OP mentioned they live halfway across the country from each other
"Pathologized"? Just because someone chooses to make use of a counselor doesn't mean they have a mental illness. People can and do end up suffering from situational depression or anxiety. The OP mentioned their friend relocated recently. That's a common setup for both. It does not automatically mean the friend is mentally ill, just that she's gotten overwhelmed, gotten stuck in a mental/emotional rut, or lost direction. Probably temporarily. With some guidance from an impartial skilled set of eyes/ears who has seen and heard all about that, she could get back on her path by learning how to change habitual thinking or self talk and how to stop sabotaging herself. Coach her or remind her how to help herself. The situation could be self limiting. It can end. She certainly could emerge a stronger more resilient person, not someone with a permanent mental illness tag around their neck.
EAP counseling programs are often a paid benefit that provides a limited number of "free" sessions intended to clarify what if any work needs to be done. That may be all she needs. If she decides she wants more the EAP counselor can either continue working or refer her to someone with different skills.
Last edited by Parnassia; 03-08-2024 at 02:01 PM..
If she's lonely, it might be more helpful if you meet her for a walk, coffee, etc. - I love how everything is pathologized now. What do you think a therapist can do for her loneliness? lol
As has been pointed out, we live far away from each other. I already spend quite a lot of time with her on a weekly basis on the telephone, and we text daily. That's all I've got in me because (1) I have a lot of other personal responsibilities so my time isn't unlimited, and (2) I'm an introvert (vs. her being an extrovert), so she's a bit of an energy drain for me. I care deeply about her; we've been friends for 40+ years, and we are good friends to each other. That's why I'm asking about this in the first place.
I'm thinking a counselor would be helpful for her anxiety and depression, and yeah, even with some of the loneliness.
I have a friend who does need therapy due to being convinced they are a targeted individual. This type of concern is not easy to deal with. After consulting with a couple of professionals, I've decided to be supportive because they are absolutely convinced this is happening and there are a lot of reasons for it, one of them being the need to feel important enough for this to be happening. I do believe there are instances where TI's are real and the things they experience are real, but in this case I don't think it is real. I do think there might be someone and not someones plural. In other words, someone in the neighborhood and not a posse that includes law enforcement. It's very complex and when I press for details, clarity, answers, I often get garbled and/or evasive replies. Their family is no longer willing to discuss the matter with them. They don't believe that therapy or meds will help in a situation like this because they truly believe it is outside forces instead of in their head. I've been tracking this for over a year; some of the incidents are real, some are not. I do believe they have a need to believe this is happening.
In cases like this we simply have to let go and be supportive while holding a good thought for them. Sometimes that is not easy when you know there are solutions.
I already spend quite a lot of time with her on a weekly basis on the telephone, and we text daily. That's all I've got in me...she's a bit of an energy drain for me. I care deeply about her; we've been friends for 40+ years
If you are this close, I see no reason you can't broach the subject during a point in the conversation where she is moaning about her current plight (whatever that may be).
"Agnes, have you considered seeing someone local about some of these issues? A therapist can do wonders."
If there's pushback, I'd probably say something along the lines of what you've already said here. "I spend a lot of time on the phone talking with you about this stuff, and it doesn't seem to be helping. I think it's time you went to a professional, for your own health's sake."
^That's a good idea. People who are delusional need to wake up and realize that they're being a broken record and actually avoiding resolution of course they don't need to hear that, they just need to hear what you suggested.
And be prepared for her to refuse to go and see a therapist. But you've done your part in trying to help her.
I have a friend in this situation. But he never listened to us (my husband and I) when we suggested seeing a psychotherapist. Nothing changed for him, after all these years since we made the suggestion. It all remained the same for his mental being.
And that's the way it is, nothing we can do about it.
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