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I think being more reclusive as you age is normal. Your friends have died or moved. Those remaining are people you didn't really associate with anyway.
I know I have, although I might be sort of a special case. I was a local elected official for over 20 years and active publicly for over 30 so a lot of people knew me.
It got so intrusive that I couldn't take a walk without someone wanting to talk. Mrs. NBP and I even stopped eating at restaurants in Town on the rare occasions we'd go out, because there was always at least one someone who felt that interrupting our dinner, after they'd finished theirs was a good time to ask me why so and so was allowed to do this, or why another so and so wasn't allowed to that or t complain that the garbage guys hadn't forgotten to take a beer can out of their recycling when they dumped the bin.
So we started to go 15 or 20 miles away and, wouldn't you know it, there was always someone there who had to come up and talk during our meal.
So, since I've retired from public life, I've become very withdrawn. Yet people still email my oldest son, who is now involved, thinking he is me.
Wow. I knew a real estate agent in a small-ish town, who said the same thing. He couldn't go to the coffee shop without someone recognizing him and wanting to talk. He finally moved away to a huge metro area where he hoped to be more anonymous, or at least--to be able to escape recognition by driving over to the next suburb,or whatever, if he became too well known in his area. I don't know how that's worked out for him. It must be maddening to not be able to enjoy taking a walk or going to the grocery store without having people accost you.
For us I think it's a combination of things. For one thing, after years of working, I'm just tired of dealing with other people's BS all the time and just want to avoid that. I still get plenty though from my volunteer work with the community.
The other thing that happened is business changes in the community. There are far fewer restaurants in our community now than when we first moved here. About half the places we used to go are gone and not replaced. The ones that remain just aren't as good as they used to be. We love Mexican/Southwestern food and there are four Mexican restaurants in town, but the food in all of them is too "Americanized" and bland. How do you make Mexican food bland? Same with Chinese. There was a small Chinese place we loved but the owners retired, and one of those 200 item Chinese buffets came in. Lots of bland foot on the steam tables. I know it's not that our tastes have changed because when we travel, we can get some real flavors that astound our taste buds. Just not around here.
Or the mall. We used to love just walking the mall in bad weather. Now the mall is gone taking our bad weather options with it.
So in a lot of ways, it's not that we've become more reclusive, but the options have become much more limited. It's either settle for Chick Fil A and Walmart or load up and take an all-day trip. And when my wife finishes what she's doing, we'll probably head to either Chick Fil A and do Hobby Lobby for a change of scenery.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767
My time is the most precious asset I have, and I don't want to waste it standing around waiting.
I try to avoid going out to dinner on a weekend because of the waits. I don't understand retirees who only like to dine out on Saturday night, the most crowded night of the week.
Yes, that reminds me of my in-laws who do that, going out for dinner Friday night, or even shopping on Saturday. They are retired, why not do those things when working people are working?
Yes, that reminds me of my in-laws who do that, going out for dinner Friday night, or even shopping on Saturday. They are retired, why not do those things when working people are working?
Old habits die hard. You can`t teach an old dog new tricks.....LOL
I hope not. I'm afraid I'll have no family or friends when I'm old if that's the case. I'd rather just die younger if I knew I was going to be all alone at the end.
I'm glad I found this thread. I retired from a high-level management job, around tons of people all the time, a few years ago and moved to a new state. I am absolutely miserable. I started off ok - doing things I enjoy - but little by little, I'm becoming a hermit. I seem to have become intolerant of people, noise, neighbors, traffic, stores, you name it. I don't feel I fit in with my new community and it's been ridiculously hard to make friends (plus I'm not very social). I used to travel, I've stopped. I used to do outdoor activities, I've stopped. Nothing seems to interest me any longer. I eat, sleep, watch tv, play computer games, and sit on my patio. Thank goodness I have a beautiful view and my dogs. My family (what I have left) is fractured so I don't have them as a support system. I live in a beautiful house but can't move as real estate prices have soared as have interest rates. Financially, I'm set where I am right now. But I'm just not happy. What's the problem - am I regretting retiring, regretting moving away from my social network, just getting old and cranky :-) I'm afraid at this rate, I won't want to keep going. Ugh....what was the point of working for so many years, raising a family, climbing the ladder, making good money just to find myself alone and sad. Not at all what I thought my retirement would look like. Oh, well...thanks for having a place for me to vent..
Not sure where it comes from, maybe [ Parnassia ] is right and that some of it comes from our earlier days. For sure, I do not think it is abnormal to have those feelings. Nor abnormal to feel just the opposite. It's all in the range of "normal" ...
In my early days I grew up in a dysfunctional household ( I am being kind to those who have passed on ). Wasn't allowed to speak. Wasn't allowed to express feelings. I had no social skills. I was isolated, but I didn't "feel" isolated, wasn't that smart. Didn't realize what normal was. My upbringing was not normal. But took a while for me to realize that.
When I escaped ( left home ) at 17 and started working my way through college. I was immediately aware that I needed social skills, and starting paying attention to others, so I could act like them to some extent, and indeed did develop some social skills. Made friends. It didn't change what I was inside, but it allowed me to relate to those around me in a good way. Even joined a social fraternity.
Later on the Vietnam-era USAF "pushed" me into a new world and I became very good at getting along with people, actually leading people, but never fully embraced the ways of the world, though it appeared to others that I did. Had a very successful career. Two marriages, three wonderful kids. Retired at 57, now 76 and very comfortable financially and otherwise.
So what do I feel now. Not reclusive, just not like most people. I just don't share most people's values. I am very comfortable living alone. I am also very comfortable shopping, visiting family, etc. There are things in the outer world that bother me ( like polarization and hate and crudeness ) but I know I cannot change those things, so I tend to just ignore them to the extent that I can. My happiness requires me to. And I am very happy. Alone. Contented. Healthy. Fit. Wealthy. Just not normal.
I'm glad I found this thread. I retired from a high-level management job, around tons of people all the time, a few years ago and moved to a new state. I am absolutely miserable. I started off ok - doing things I enjoy - but little by little, I'm becoming a hermit. I seem to have become intolerant of people, noise, neighbors, traffic, stores, you name it. I don't feel I fit in with my new community and it's been ridiculously hard to make friends (plus I'm not very social). I used to travel, I've stopped. I used to do outdoor activities, I've stopped. Nothing seems to interest me any longer. I eat, sleep, watch tv, play computer games, and sit on my patio. Thank goodness I have a beautiful view and my dogs. My family (what I have left) is fractured so I don't have them as a support system. I live in a beautiful house but can't move as real estate prices have soared as have interest rates. Financially, I'm set where I am right now. But I'm just not happy. What's the problem - am I regretting retiring, regretting moving away from my social network, just getting old and cranky :-) I'm afraid at this rate, I won't want to keep going. Ugh....what was the point of working for so many years, raising a family, climbing the ladder, making good money just to find myself alone and sad. Not at all what I thought my retirement would look like. Oh, well...thanks for having a place for me to vent..
It sounds like your move was not good for you. I would move back to where your friends and support system are. You deserve to be happy with your retirement.
I'm glad I found this thread. I retired from a high-level management job, around tons of people all the time, a few years ago and moved to a new state. I am absolutely miserable. I started off ok - doing things I enjoy - but little by little, I'm becoming a hermit. I seem to have become intolerant of people, noise, neighbors, traffic, stores, you name it. I don't feel I fit in with my new community and it's been ridiculously hard to make friends (plus I'm not very social). I used to travel, I've stopped. I used to do outdoor activities, I've stopped. Nothing seems to interest me any longer. I eat, sleep, watch tv, play computer games, and sit on my patio. Thank goodness I have a beautiful view and my dogs. My family (what I have left) is fractured so I don't have them as a support system. I live in a beautiful house but can't move as real estate prices have soared as have interest rates. Financially, I'm set where I am right now. But I'm just not happy. What's the problem - am I regretting retiring, regretting moving away from my social network, just getting old and cranky :-) I'm afraid at this rate, I won't want to keep going. Ugh....what was the point of working for so many years, raising a family, climbing the ladder, making good money just to find myself alone and sad. Not at all what I thought my retirement would look like. Oh, well...thanks for having a place for me to vent..
Sounds very much like depression. You might see someone about it.
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