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I want to preface this by saying I have never suffered with an addiction albeit, I have had a mother and a sister who have, and do. I helped my mother get clean and sober and have chosen with my sister, to give her the space to make that decision on her own.
For the past several years, I have exercised and eaten very healthy and never drank.
Well, with my sister's addiction and both parents going through health battles (my father, a stroke, and my mom, cancer) I have found myself having a drink each day.
I do not get drunk, I just get a light buzz. However, I have noticed that I am starting to rely on that drink to help me relax and unwind after a long day.
It has become a habit and I am worried that it may turn into a problem.
I have always been a very self-aware person, and as soon as I noticed this pattern, I started to question it and reflect on why I am turning to alcohol for comfort. I have come to the realization that it is my way of coping with the stress and anxiety of my family's circumstances. It has become my escape from reality and a way to temporarily numb my emotions.
Having seen the detrimental effects of addiction in my family, I do not want to go down that path. I recognize the warning signs and I know that any form of dependency on a substance is dangerous.
I have other outlets to manage my stress and emotions. I journal, attend support groups. I have not been as proactive with exercising as I once was, but I am determined to get back on track with exercise and meditation, and other outlets to help me cope.
Has anyone found themselves in a similar predicament? If so, how did you handle it? I would love to hear other perspectives and advice on how to break this habit before it becomes a bigger issue. Thank you in advance.
I'll start off by saying I really don't know much about addiction and haven't really thought about it in terms of myself. I don't think I've experienced it (other than the endorphin release due to chocolate, pasta, or cheese .) I think mindful decision making is a good thing, whether it's motivated by Taoist practice, karma, or something less cerebral. Whether over trivia or something profound. Even if the decision reached is less than ideal, doing so mindfully is still better than not.
Sounds as if you're pondering how a mildly pleasurable ritual (there must be a feedback loop or you wouldn't keep doing it) transitions to a habit, to a crutch, then on to a full blown biological addiction. When does the emotional/mental become physical?
I watched my dad head down that slippery slope with alcohol. The two of us were very close and we talked about it several times over the years. He told me about the gradual transition from chatting about the day's events with the other adult in the home, my mother, over a drink, the socially acceptable/expected cocktails with friends at parties, to mindlessly having that drink whether or not there was a social aspect driving it.
Then the worst event in his life occurred. My mother was diagnosed with ALS and our family spent a miserable 6+ years watching it take her. Not only did my father get to helplessly witness the love of his life suffer and dwindle away, but he had to foot the financial, social, and familial bills too. Unbelievable stress.
By this time his kids were launched, he was working as a consultant instead of a salaried employee, he lived farther away from our family's longer term friends, and he found himself alone with his thoughts from day to day. That evening cocktail was a fondly remembered, pleasant interlude. Something nostalgic he could look forward to. One became two or more and the cocktail "hour" gradually started earlier and earlier in the afternoon. The process took years partially because he was a mentally disciplined person (a multi-degreed engineer/math geek), but he didn't really seem to engage in other outlets. He finally realized he was spending more of his day with a drink in his hand and he started noticing alcohol's effects on memory, mental acuity, etc. His sensitivity was increasing with age too. He made the conscious decision to break the routine and backed out again. For a while he stopped drinking completely, but gradually he seemed to relax about it and could enjoy that one evening cocktail again. It was obvious he was in control. I don't recall ever seeing him reeling drunk (I didn't spend time around drunks myself so maybe I just wasn't aware) but I did sense he was impaired a few times. I don't know whether he would have been considered an alcoholic or not.
I've never really enjoyed alcohol, have never been remotely impaired from that or other potentially addictive substances, and don't keep any in the house other than cooking sherry . It isn't really a moral judgment. As long as someone remains in control of themselves, deals with reality when they need to, and doesn't hurt the others in their life because of it they can do what they want. I've just never developed an interest. The whole mind-altering escape thing just doesn't appeal. I tend to rely on other releases...music, books, movies, being outdoors, etc. Maybe I am too much of a control freak to like the idea I'm not.
One sibling is very set in her ways about her evening/dinner glasses (?) of wine. The few times she's planned a visit she makes a point that there will be some. I don't know anything about wine (probably have the palate of a brick) so she expects that we'll buy a couple of bottles on the way home from the airport. Because I wouldn't be joining her, doubt it's acting as a social lubricant. Probably the opposite. I've noticed if I visited her home and she and my BIL brought out the wine or beer, she'd make a pointed comment when I declined. She's always been a pretty critical person in other ways but it surprised me. The alcohol may simply have been a detail, not the driver. Do I wonder if this is a variation on what my father experienced? Yes.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-15-2024 at 02:27 PM..
I'll start off by saying I really don't know much about addiction and haven't really thought about it in terms of myself. I don't think I've experienced it (other than the endorphin release due to chocolate, pasta, or cheese .)
Sounds as if you're pondering how a mildly pleasurable ritual (there must be a feedback loop or you wouldn't keep doing it) transitions to a habit, to a crutch, then on to a full blown biological addiction. When does the emotional/mental become physical?
I watched my dad head down that slippery slope with alcohol. The two of us were very close and we talked about it several times over the years. He told me about the gradual transition from chatting about the day's events with the other adult in the home, my mother, over a drink, the socially acceptable/expected cocktails with friends at parties, to mindlessly having that drink whether or not there was a social aspect driving it.
Then the worst event in his life occurred. My mother was diagnosed with ALS and our family spent a miserable 6+ years watching it take her. Not only did my father get to helplessly witness the love of his life suffer and dwindle away, but he had to foot the financial, social, and familial bills too. Unbelievable stress.
By this time his kids were launched, he was working as a consultant instead of a salaried employee, he lived farther away from our family's longer term friends, and he found himself alone with his thoughts from day to day. That evening cocktail was a fondly remembered, pleasant interlude. Something nostalgic he could look forward to. One became two or more and the cocktail "hour" gradually started earlier and earlier in the afternoon. The process took years partially because he was a mentally disciplined person (a multi-degreed engineer/math geek), but he didn't really seem to engage in other outlets. He finally realized he was spending more of his day with a drink in his hand and he started noticing alcohol's effects on memory, mental acuity, etc. His sensitivity was increasing with age too. He made the conscious decision to break the routine and backed out again. For a while he stopped drinking completely, but gradually he seemed to relax about it and could enjoy that one evening cocktail again. It was obvious he was in control. I don't recall ever seeing him reeling drunk (I didn't spend time around drunks myself so maybe I just wasn't aware) but I did sense he was impaired a few times. I don't know whether he would have been considered an alcoholic or not.
I've never really enjoyed alcohol, have never been remotely impaired from that or other potentially addictive substances, and don't keep any in the house other than cooking sherry . It isn't really a moral judgment. As long as someone remains in control of themselves, deals with reality when they need to, and doesn't hurt the others in their life because of it they can do what they want. I've just never developed an interest. The whole mind-altering escape thing just doesn't appeal. I tend to rely on other releases...music, books, movies, being outdoors, etc. Maybe I am too much of a control freak to like the idea I'm not.
One sibling is very set in her ways about her evening/dinner glass of wine. The few times she's planned a visit she makes a point that there will be some. I don't know anything about wine (probably have the palate of a brick) so she expects that we'll buy a couple of bottles on the way home from the airport. Because I wouldn't be joining her, doubt it's acting as a social lubricant. Probably the opposite. I've noticed if I am visiting her home and she and my BIL bring out the wine or beer, she'll comment when I decline. It surprised me, but she's always been a pretty critical person in other ways. The alcohol may simply be a detail, not the driver. Do I wonder if this is a variation on what my father experienced? Yes.
Thank you for your comments. They really gave me some food for thought. I guess I have always thought of "self control" in a more simplistic way, but, your words spoke to me in a a different way about addictive tendencies. Nothing is in a vacuum ...we all carry our experiences and influences forward in life, don't we. Some are good, some have really taught us hard lessons. All are pieces to the puzzle that often leads us to who we turn out to be.
I am so sorry about what your family has gone through. I have known people with ALS and it was ravaging. I am glad that your father was able to find his way back to a comfortable spot for himself after a rough experience. I know you loved him even more for it.
I suppose the low hanging fruit in terms of addiction would be drugs. Those are the things that we are bombarded with information on ...whether it's exposure to drug awareness in school or the miliions made from alcohol and drug rehab facilities/therapy/extras ...grief therapy, empowerment, hypnotherapy, finding yourself...you name it, people are always willing to make money off us.
Probably true with other addictions, like porn or food, I have never considered how my own behaviors could lead to bad habits or even addictions.
In light of the severity, control and battle outline in the issues involved I have endured over the years, I am kind of surprised that I haven't considered the term "addiction" when it comes to my own behaviors.
If "I wonder if I have a problem with this?" is entering your mind, then you have a problem with it. The good news, is you know you have one, and you're not so far gone that you will need medical intervention to solve the problem. You might not be addicted, but you are absolutely dependent. Time to find something healthier to depend on.
If "I wonder if I have a problem with this?" is entering your mind, then you have a problem with it. The good news, is you know you have one, and you're not so far gone that you will need medical intervention to solve the problem. You might not be addicted, but you are absolutely dependent. Time to find something healthier to depend on.
I suppose there is a difference between dependence vs. addiction.
But yes, I agree, time to find something healthier to depend on~!
I suppose there is a difference between dependence vs. addiction.
But yes, I agree, time to find something healthier to depend on~!
Yes there is a difference. If you don't constantly need it, and feel like you're suffering without it, then you're not addicted. However, if you feel you need it in order to "relax and unwind" every day, when previously you were able to relax and unwind without it, then you are dependent on it. It shifts from dependence to addiction when you start feeling jittery when you're late for that drink.
On the other hand, I know quite a few stories of people who were drinking too much who stopped for a year, usually to prove to a spouse that they didn't have a problem.
When the year was over they went back to drinking. Being able to quit doesn't prove much in the early stages. Starting again is something to watch.
The only guaranteed way to prevent alcoholism, especially if it runs in the family, is not to drink. People who like to drink don't want to do that as long as it hasn't become problematic yet. And I can understand that. Seems to make sense.
How do you know when it's become problematic? You probably won't. Someone else will and you will reason that it is problematic for them but not for you. That also seems to make sense.
This is a common scenario. Best you can do is be painfully soul-searching and honest with yourself. If you are self-aware you will know.
Yes there is a difference. If you don't constantly need it, and feel like you're suffering without it, then you're not addicted. However, if you feel you need it in order to "relax and unwind" every day, when previously you were able to relax and unwind without it, then you are dependent on it. It shifts from dependence to addiction when you start feeling jittery when you're late for that drink.
Definitely don't feel like I am suffering without it.
I like a glass or two of wine to unwind. I am finding that I enjoy it. My doctor will not prescribe me anything for anxiety because he knows that my mother was addicted to benzos and my sister is addicted to, well, several drugs, and they felt I was a bit surrounded by the 'perfect storm.'
Thanks guys. I am going to speak with my doctor about other potential coping mechanisms and see if he can offer some alternatives. I think some of it is also just feeling like I am not fully balanced, physically, right now, and it is important that we pay attention to that as well. Exercise is huge for me and I have definitely been blowing that off, but am working on getting back into my routine.
Definitely don't feel like I am suffering without it.
I like a glass or two of wine to unwind. I am finding that I enjoy it. My doctor will not prescribe me anything for anxiety because he knows that my mother was addicted to benzos and my sister is addicted to, well, several drugs, and they felt I was a bit surrounded by the 'perfect storm.'
Thanks guys. I am going to speak with my doctor about other potential coping mechanisms and see if he can offer some alternatives. I think some of it is also just feeling like I am not fully balanced, physically, right now, and it is important that we pay attention to that as well. Exercise is huge for me and I have definitely been blowing that off, but am working on getting back into my routine.
Take care! Much love! Wish me luck!
You could try a bit of brisk strenuous exercise for 20 minutes, during the time when you'd normally be having that drink. You'd literally be working off the anxiety and stress from the day. Types of exercise:
Jumping jacks, jump-squats, pushups, weighted lunges (you carry a low-weight kettleball or dumbbell in each hand while you lunge), jogging, running, bicycling, fast-step walking.
Basically let your body catch up with your mind. It sounds like your mind is "tired" from the day, but your body hasn't really done enough to be in sync with that.
Exercise also releases endorphins, which are the brain's natural "happy pill". So instead of being tired and miserable at the end of the day, you'd be tired and satisfied that you've completed your day and deserve now to relax.
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.) I think mindful decision making is a good thing, whether it's motivated by Taoist practice, karma, or something less cerebral. Whether over trivia or something profound. Even if the decision reached is less than ideal, doing so mindfully is still better than not.
. It isn't really a moral judgment. As long as someone remains in control of themselves, deals with reality when they need to, and doesn't hurt the others in their life because of it they can do what they want. I've just never developed an interest. The whole mind-altering escape thing just doesn't appeal. I tend to rely on other releases...music, books, movies, being outdoors, etc. Maybe I am too much of a control freak to like the idea I'm not.
