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But I'm with Joe on this one, I would still want people to be more compassionate. Wouldn't you?
Point (still) being, why would you want to (or think you could) change them? I certainly want (and see) compassion in my personal relationships. That said, as far as folks online, meh. They are who they are.
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Originally Posted by XRiteMA98
There no law that says you should go to funerals. You do what you feel. You feel you can't go, then don;t.
Compassion or supporting loved ones through their grief isn’t about you (or how you feel).
I’ve been to a lot of funerals in my lifetime. A lot. Enough to understand that it sends a very important message to the family during what is typically the worst possible time.
One other thing I’ve learned from attending so many funerals is that it’s the one time when our likes and dislikes should NOT be the deciding factor in whether or not we attend. It’s truly not about us!
Not really. The family is way more concerned with their grief than keeping tabs on who was there or not. I literally do not remember a soul who were at my parent's funerals. I don't remember even which pastor did my mother's funeral.
I can tell you EXACTLY who was at my mother's funeral. She died in March of 2020, so there were nine people there (we were allowed 10) including the pastor and the funeral director
There were many people at my father's funeral. The most shocking was turning to find myself face to face with my long-dead grandmother. Then she said, "I am J, your father's cousin." Their mothers were sisters, but damn, she looked exactly like I remember my grandmother.
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Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
Nothing says that it was not a rash decision and even if "calculated," it does not mean he was in his right mind making rational, well thought decisions. Suicide and thoughts of suicide is not rational and should not be used against that person or their memory. A little understanding woud be nice by some folks.
I’ve been to a lot of funerals in my lifetime. A lot. Enough to understand that it sends a very important message to the family during what is typically the worst possible time.
One other thing I’ve learned from attending so many funerals is that it’s the one time when our likes and dislikes should NOT be the deciding factor in whether or not we attend. It’s truly not about us!
Everyone is different though and its very traumatic for some... leaving them with nightmares... were all different...I do go to funerals now , but young no women really went to them here in Scotland as it was mainly burials and maybe thought too much for some women...Im not really sure.. it was only cremations that opened the door for some to attend... ..Some though just cant face them....
Compassion or supporting loved ones through their grief isn’t about you (or how you feel).
Compassion and supporting loved ones doesn't require attendance to a funeral. Nor does "paying respects" or "giving remembrance."
There's nothing wrong with attending a funeral, but choosing not to do so is hardly a travesty.
Humans have made this an expensive, time consumer, morbid, depressing, and long event for the optical illusion that humans are super sacred beings worthy of grand gestures when its time for us to expire.
I don't want anyone spending a penny or millisecond on my funeral (cremated), and I will happily return the favor.
Mr. Dokie’s father was one of seven children. He has a ton of cousins on that side of the family. After the first couple of uncles/aunts died, they started having a family reunion every year “so we could see each other and not be at a funeral.”
At his 90-something grandmother’s funeral, we overheard someone say as she lay in the casket “she hasn’t looked that good in years.” We don’t go to many open casket funerals any more, but inevitably he’ll say that to me when we do. Just our own little death humor.
Humans have made this an expensive, time consumer, morbid, depressing, and long event for the optical illusion that humans are super sacred beings worthy of grand gestures when its time for us to expire.
Actually, you are (nonsensically) making it about the expense and time i.e. no one is suggesting you pay for the funeral/memorial/gathering or that ‘humans are super sacred beings worthy of grand gestures’, but do you personally value/respect your loved ones’ lives (and their deaths)? That’s the relevant question. Naturally, death is depressing; but, from my perspective, it’s part of life to be emotionally supportive (particularly relative to those we care about).
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Originally Posted by Rocko20
I don't want anyone spending a penny or millisecond on my funeral (cremated), and I will happily return the favor.
I don’t want a funeral, either; however, that’s not the thread topic i.e. we don’t control (or pay for) what others do or how they grieve. I have attended funerals in order to support my loved ones and/or for my own closure/reflection. My mother had a memorial (cremated); I certainly wouldn’t have turned turn my back on her (and countless others) by refusing to attend because I’m an atheist - yet alone relative to time or the fact it was sad (as you state above). I consider such selfishness to be a temper tantrum of sorts.
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Originally Posted by Rocko20
Compassion and supporting loved ones doesn't require attendance to a funeral. Nor does "paying respects" or "giving remembrance."
Obviously, attendance is not required. However, deliberately avoiding/arguing a funeral or memorial (and blathering on about cost and optical illusions re: ‘super sacred beings worthy of grand gestures’) certainly speaks to one’s lack of compassion and support of their loved ones, as a whole.
I'm al for ppeople doing what they want to weighing all options. If going to funerals does not work for you for whatever reason, don't go to them. I don't do weddings. They're boring and I don't get the "look at me" aspect of them. My friends understand. (Which is not to say I never go to them.) II am way more likely to go to a wake or a visitation where I can actually say a few words to the family of the deceased and maybe talk with other people there about the deceased.
Personally, I do not plan to have a funeral for me. If my kids want one, they can do one since I won't be around to tell them not to. Just have a visitation, play some music, tell some stories and hopefully have a few laughs at my expense.
I will say to those saying a funeral is respectful to the family of the decased, I do not remember who did or did not come to my parents funerals.
When my dad died, some people (friends) from work came to his funeral. I was very touched. I didn't expect it, but I thought it was very kind of them to come.
When my dad died, some people (friends) from work came to his funeral. I was very touched. I didn't expect it, but I thought it was very kind of them to come.
Same. My dad had been retired for 10 years when he passed, and there were about 10 coworkers of his that attended, most of whom I’d heard about by name over the years but had never met. My mom and I were so moved that they attended.
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