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Gen Z and millennial women are waking up to the lies feminists fed them. Now they are upset and alone
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/ge...6a237a13&ei=15"For decades our culture has failed women by spreading falsehood after falsehood about men, marriage, motherhood and career. It’s been a slow, daily drip of "You go, Girl!" messages, specifically designed to delete men and babies from life’s equation. And it has wreaked havoc on women’s lives."
I read about both sides quite often. Either feminism has ruined women, America, and our culture or it has liberated women and given women equality and freedom they never had before.
I'm sure many people will choose one side or the other. However, I'm equally sure there are a lot of No, buts and Yes, buts and a lot of subtle shadings in between. It would be nice to not bash feminism or men here, but I would be very curious to find out from people that if we were to do it over, knowing and feeling what we do now, would we still want feminism? Are the majority of women, as the article here seems to point out, upset because they ended up with no husband or family, or are these the regrets of just a few lone women? Do women think feminism failed them simply because they never thought about the consequences of their actions, or because feminism didn't go far enough? What are your thoughtsand opinions?
I’m close to being an elderly feminist, but even those “Sisterhood Is Powerful” messages have always felt false to me. If we women were so powerful, we’d control the government, Wall Street, the judiciary, the military and religious institutions already. For example, women represent 29% of the US House and 25% of the senate yet half of this country are women. Yes, we’ve made strides, but still have far to go.
I think feminism has opened many doors for women but its major flaw is that it lumps all women together as one huge monolith moving in solidarity. Not all feminists act, think or believe the same things, politically or philosophically. Feminists are everywhere—married, single, with kids, and without, career-oriented and not. I think that especially in the early years of the feminist movement, it was an either or decision— give up wanting marriage and kids, otherwise you’re not supporting women’s equality.
For me though, I’m glad there was, and is, a feminist movement, because my soul would have died if I felt I had to marry early, depend on my husband for money, and raise kids. That life wasn’t for me and because of equal opportunity laws that came about due to feminism,I have more economic freedom than I would have had otherwise.
I know that practically world-wide, people are marrying later and either having kids later or none at all. Is feminism solely to blame? I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s fair to blame the feminist movement for that. Can some of these young women feel let down because they got the message from feminists that “you can have it all?” That I can see. But life is a series of trade offs. We all have to make the choices that are right for us.
But haven't we been taught to do our own observations, realize their are lots of shades of gray, diverse paths we can take, look at what others say with a critical eye, and look at other women who are older than us -- many who have taken different diverse paths as mentors? This was the case for me. And most certainly, hopefully we have been taught and teach our children (boys and girls) not to believe literally everything we read or are told. Yes we can take messages from what we read but with a critical eye, and there is no panacea or obvious answer for how to navigate your life.
My mom who was born in 1936 worked as a math professor when I was a kid and was really into her career, but said that having me and my brother was the most rewarding thing in her live. I think that really stuck with me and made me think I at some time would like to have two kids too. She was sort of that super woman though who did it all and got by on very little sleep (beautiful, talented, genius IQ, so helpful and kind to so many, and always there for me and my brother). My dad was wonderful and super supportive too, but he worked shift work and had purchased and managed rental properties, meaning more care giving feel on mom. I thought there was no way I could do all the stuff my mom did so beautifully, and I looked for other more realistic role models. My mom too made sure I met friends of hers who had very satisfying lives -- good careers but no husband or children -- I will say that my mom's life looked nicer to me than that. But I always thought you'd be better off with no guy if you didn't find the right guy. In my early working career I looked for other more realistic role models who I thought had energy levels more like mine.
I did have a guidance counselor in high school back in 1976 who I really respected who really steered me not to go into teaching. She said we have way too many bright young women go into teaching and it almost felt to me like I did that I would be doing something wrong for my gender if I did that. And what do you know we have a teaching shortage today and a crisis in education. All those talented young women who used to go into that aren't now (I'm not knocking the dedicated talent people who are still going into that as there are many but not enough). I ended up with a business major in college with lots of IT classes and work as an IT analyst. Having passed initially on my teaching dreams, I did a two year stint as an adjunct faculty member teaching some IT classes in the evening, just to give that a try, and they even offered me a job to come on full time if I would finish up a master's degree. I didn't really like it all that much though and gave that a pass.
I tried a short stint in management but found it way too stressful -- the managing people part was the most stressful part for me -- and when the opportunity arose I slid myself back into a parallel job in analysis. I did have both a mom and dad who had turned down promotions in their careers, so I didn't feel bad taking the path I did. I also observed women who were doing a good job of managing a professional job and a kid, go into management and quit because it was too much.
I got married at 24 to the first guy I dated who I thought I could live with and stood the test on time for me in dating. It was earlier than I had planned to get married, but he was taking a job in another city, we had been dating two years, and he wanted me to go with him. I lined up a job in the same company he was working in before we moved out too -- large insurance company with 3000 or so employees. I'm a little bit of a control freak and have always liked the idea if need be that I can support myself. Hey he's my soulmate, and we are still married 38 year later.
DH was taking actuarial exams -- at home studying -- three hours a night -- eight months out of the year. We put off trying to have kids -- used birth control till he was done with those. I thought otherwise I'd be resentful and feel too much like a single parent. I didn't think anything of it, not getting pregnant till I turned 34 and then it was OMG -- I always thought I'd have kids between 28 and 40 and here I was at 24, halfway thru that time frame and the better 1/2 was gone. DH and I got checked out and it turned out DH has a low sperm count. We did a few things, that didn't pan out and not wanting to put a lot of pressure on DH -- he's sort of a fatalist -- maybe that means I'm not supposed to have children, I looked into adopting. And 18 months later we adopted our wonder son from Russia. We got him when he was 13 months old. He's 28 now, getting married next year and is one of the biggest joys of my life. I understand that adoption is much harder these days and is not as easy a path as what it was then.
I always thought I'd have two kids, but I thought it would be too much for me when my son was a toddler and just had one. Right after I had made that decision, DH said should we adopt another? I thought -- why is it that I'm not excited to do that and what would make me OK with that. I spent about 20 hours over a few days coming up with a list of things that if DH would be willing to do, I would be cool with going for a second kid -- it was a soul searching exercise. DH likes a quieter house, quiet hobbies, took over cooking and laundry when we had DS but had me doing most of the kid stuff. Anyway, DH looked at my list and in less than 15 minutes said you know I think just having Ethan is great. So that's where we landed.
You make your own family, you make your own way, and you are grateful and thankful for the people you meet and share life with on the way.
I think we are ultimately responsible for ourselves and our own decisions.
[b]Gen Z and millennial women are waking up to the lies feminists fed them. Now they are upset and alone? Do women think feminism failed them simply because they never thought about the consequences of their actions, or because feminism didn't go far enough? What are your thoughtsand opinions?
Absolutely not. If I would take them to task, it would only be because they didn't do enough.
No women are "upset" and alone. That is 100% male / industry talking points.
Women need to work because, if they don't... they are at the mercy of a man. If they take time off to have children... good luck getting a high paying job if your *romance* doesn't work out.
And, you can bet, it won't if you don't have any leverage in the relationship.
The facts are.. studies show women do better out of relationships. Financially, healthwise, mental health wise. Every study that comes out saying that people who are alone are doing worse -- ARE MEN. Because without a woman they don't have a "slave" to prepare their meals... tell them to go to the doctor etc.
Gen z and the millennials are actively avoiding relationships because they see how toxic men are. Why do you think LGBTQ has become so big? Because they see that it is a healthier option than hetro / trad wife.
Your story is one repeated often in the story of why total fertility rate is down all over the world. Education causes a delay in having children, and very often the window of opportunity is closed or partially closed, or a separation of the couple takes place.
I am not criticizing anyone, I am just saying, what you experienced has become normal in many countries.
But it's not just feminism. I sort of cringe when feminism is credited for providing opportunities for women, because I don't think that's where opportunity comes from. It comes from human progress.
So has feminism failed women?..... Yes, I think so in that the movement has made caricatures of the people it is intended to serve. Women succeeded long before feminism became a movement.
Yes I'm glad it existed. Laws changed and people, male and female, woke up to reality.
I remember walking into a bank in my early 20s and couldn't get a loan because I wasn't married. Wanted to take shop in high school but couldn't; shop was for boys. Had to take home-ec so I could sew and cook.
But I think it's a case of asking for more just to get compromise. As for feeling alone, don't blame feminism for the life you've chosen. If it accomplished only one thing it opened up choices. Get married or don't get married. Have kids or don't have kids. Have a career or a job.
Feminism as a term needs clarification. The feminist movement dates back decades in the US to before the suffrage movement; it could be argued that it dates to the early 1800's when married women gained the right to own property in their own name. NY was the first state, in 1839, to permit women to own their own property without their husband's permission; in VA the right to own property and to sign a contract was gained in 1877; some states waited longer.
What did 20th century feminism provide? The right to vote, the right to own property in her own name*, increasing representation in govt. and business. Society takes time to adjust. When I grew up, I'm old, it was very, very rare to see a woman working in fields other than nursing, teaching or a store clerk or a maid. A female doctor was almost unheard of; a female real estate agent, insurance agent - unheard of.
(When George Washington married Martha Custis, she was a wealthy widow - patriarchal legal codes gave only unmarried widows the explicit power to control property - and thus when she married she lost control of her property - until he died. In her long life, she only controlled her property twice, when her first husband died and then when George Washington died.)
I consider myself to be a Second Wave Feminist. I went back to university in the eighties for a master's degree and took some classes out of interest in staying informed. There were definitely women there who wouldn't have considered me to be Feminist at all. And that's when I saw a major problem in the movement.
My definition of Feminism is unity and support for whatever path a woman chooses to take, short of harmful situations. Healthy choices. And recognizing that women are unique from men and valuable in our uniqueness. We birth the world.
Our "struggle" isn't with men. Our struggle is with defining ourselves. The solution is harmonic co-existence.
I'm the Muse of Constant Positivity. Our * strength is in creation, growth, nurturing, love and connection.
We've made great strides in legalities but the social/emotional aspects of femaleness have a way to go.
I am a Boomer female and have just wanted fair treatment in my life.
Saw my mother struggle financially as a working divorced woman with 3 kids, men promoted above her unfairly.
Decided early that would not be my life.
I don't know what feminism is, probably situational depending on who is talking whether it's positive or negative.
My beliefs:
Women should be treated as equals in all aspects of life.
Women's ability to bear children needs more support than it currently has.
Women deserve the right to decide when and if they want to have children.
Men's physical strength is not a reason to say they are superior to women.
No, feminism has not failed women, or the nation. The benefits are plainly obvious when we see millions of women reaching high levels of personal growth and contributions to our society. In the past, half the brainpower of our nation was kept in the background; we've unleashed that with the changes we've made.
Where we are failing is not unshackling boys and men from their traditional roles; men keep trying to maintain the old male-dominated thinking which shows up too often as sexist, misogynist behaviors. These are some of the earmarks of an us vs them gender dynamic which implies one has to lose for one to win, which certainly is not the case. We need both genders to succeed royally, not at the expense of the other, but as a collaborative whole.
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