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Discussing feelings was not allowed when I was a child.
Expressing feelings would get me beaten.
When I was 8 or 9yo, my parents decided that I needed to face reality, so when any of our pets needed to be put down, it was my job to do so. And any whining or crying was justification for a beating.
Then I had to do it again, to make sure that I had learned the lesson, to kill without hesitancy, remorse, or emotion.
I never dreamed of being depressed about it, as I knew what would happen if I got depressed.
This is not the first time you've mentioned that your parents made you kill your pets. That was just straight-up psycho parenting, which isn't any better than the polar opposite.
This is not the first time you've mentioned that your parents made you kill your pets. That was just straight-up psycho parenting, which isn't any better than the polar opposite.
Healthy parenting is in between extremes.
I understand that my mental balance is slightly different from the 'norm'. I have been diagnosed with a DSM disorder, though I am hesitant to disclose which disorder it is because once I say it out loud it frightens people. I do not experience grief or grieving.
I understand that my parents were abusive.
My Dw and I [and my grandparents] had a long discussion about this before we decided to have children.
I have read and re-read this thread. It brings out some powerful emotions in me. I want to thank everyone for their thoughts in their posts. I may have some things to add due to my own experiences as well as my wife's professional experience with Children's Mental Health programs- she is directly involved with that.
Until I can clear my mind, I just wish to say thank-you.
I recall about 4 years ago, prior to Covid, my cousin talking with me about her own kids and her frustrations with they and their peers being "depressed" and her wondering what exactly they had to be depressed about. All 4 of her kids are involved in various sports, cheer, band, music lessons, dance, baseball, tennis, golf, you name it, they've done it or are doing it. These aren't kids sitting alone in their basements with no social skills.
When I came across this article it really made me stop to think about how much focus there is on feelings. I wasn't raised to stuff my feelings, but there wasn't such an inward focus on it when I was a teen. A bad day was just a bad day, it wasn't pathologized as it seems to be now.
All this focus on feelings and how to choose the correct label for yourself is taking the focus and funding away from our teens that struggle with true mental illness, those who aren't capable of normal lives and relationships, those who are dangerous to themselves and others.
This new world has taken a toll on U.S. teenagers, if the staggering data on adolescent mental health are any indication. In 2020, 16% of U.S. kids ages 12 to 17 had anxiety, depression, or both, a roughly 33% increase since 2016.
The following year, 42% of U.S. high school students said they felt persistently sad or hopeless, 29% reported experiencing poor mental health, 22% had seriously considered suicide, and 10% had attempted suicide.
In other words, life in a #1 Western world paradise ...
Why kids are so depressed? They seem to have everything. Life is surely much easier than 50 years ago. More freedom to express themselves, every gadget imaginable, way less parental control, way less discipline, better access to mental health, counselors and institutions... They are well fed, well dressed, full of life choices.
Are they having too good?? Not enough attention? Is TikTok not fulfilling their lives?
A part of the meteoric rise in the numbers of children reporting some form of mental health crisis is a result of increased awareness AND reporting. There are far more professional services and counselors that exist today than existed in the 70's when I was in elementary and jr. high. Personal example- I grew up in a very violent household with an alcoholic father (and later found out mother). I witnessed and was victim to some things that I'd rather not repeat. In the 4th or 5th grade my grades slipped. It was during the height of the trauma and my mother had moved us out and around a few times.
I was sent to the school counselor as a result of the slipping grades, and her focus was to get my grades up- not necessarily my mental health. When I did talk about my home life, there was no referral to a mental health clinician or reporting the violence to a local official.
Today there are programs like Comprehensive School and Community Treatment- something my wife is involved with.
Quote:
A CSCT treatment team includes a licensed or supervised in-training practitioner and up to two behavioral aides, who are assigned to a specific public school(s). Once admitted into the program, a youth may receive services at the school, the home, or in the community. Services are focused on improving the youth’s functional level by facilitating the development of skills related to exhibiting appropriate behaviors in the school, home, and community settings. These youth typically require support through cueing or modeling of appropriate behavioral and life skills to utilize and apply learned skills in normalized school and community settings. Comprehensive School and Community Treatment includes: (a) Individual, Group and Family Therapy; and (b) Behavioral and life skills training. Please refer to the Children’s Mental Health Medicaid Services Provider Manual for more information.
A lot of Montana school districts have a CSCT program and they didn't 'pop up' from nowhere. This was developed because there is a defined and critical need. From very, very rural to in city-there are a lot of children in Montana with challenges. Extreme poverty on and off the reservations, depression and mental health issue in very rural areas (defined as frontier counties). A lot.
As far as life being easier today for kids. Is it? There are a lot of families that live on the edge of poverty- the income gap is real and impactful. Active shooter drills and safe rooms are today's duck & cover drills. Kids see the carnage of mass shootings all the time. Bullying has evolved from the dreaded face to face encounter in the schoolyard or hallway to 24/7 online. It's morphed from a one-off mean kid to an online group fest pile-on.
I wouldn't say kids have it any easier today. Their challenges are different due to the times and conditions they're growing up in.
When I left this country, and resided in a poor one; I noticed people there were happier in general.
Upon returning, 2 years later; I immediately noticed how miserable people were.
Perhaps it is due to our materialism, and the illusion it brings; as opposed to the community, hard work, religion, and family values I left behind in the poor country.
People here aren't getting married, having families, or even block parties anymore.
And the dumbphones are not making people any smarter, ruining social development.
When I left this country, and resided in a poor one; I noticed people there were happier in general.
Upon returning, 2 years later; I immediately noticed how miserable people were.
Perhaps it is due to our materialism, and the illusion it brings; as opposed to the community, hard work, religion, and family values I left behind in the poor country.
People here aren't getting married, having families, or even block parties anymore.
And the dumbphones are not making people any smarter, ruining social development.
We have an apartment building in a nearby town. That town has a nice riverside park with a gazebo and an open air ice skating rink.
Last winter one of the locals began dressing up as the Grinch, hanging out around the town traffic light and waving at folks.
All this summer he has tried to gather support for Community BBQs in the park. He managed to get four people to bring out their BBQs, and the town clerks all got time off to come out and to work the grills.
He has met with town officials many times. They are glad that someone is investing the energy to bring community together, and they have even offered him a small budget to get it done.
He wanted to have local bands performing in the gazebo followed by a movie night once a month.
I have attended a few of these meetings, and I offered the use of my building's storefront if he could get enough support for a haunted house. But it has all fallen through.
Nobody cares.
So far there is just not enough participation to make it sustainable.
Last edited by Mike from back east; 10-23-2023 at 11:43 AM..
Reason: Typo.
There are familiar factors that surface in discussions of the youth mental health crisis in America, with screen use and social media often topping the list of concerns. But Gray suspects a deeper underlying issue: The landscape of childhood has transformed in ways that are profoundly affecting the way children develop — by limiting their ability to play independently, to roam beyond the supervision of adults, to learn from peers, and to build resilience and confidence.
Nice article,
I'm Gen X, and when I was a kid; our parents didn't even know where we were after school.
And they couldn't find out without physically searching, we trick or treated unsupervised; and our toys had some inherent risk of injuries.
We had to use our imaginations, become creative; and interact without the influence of social media peer pressures.
I read close to ten sources, daily, and let me tell you, there's a lot to be upset about. I'm old and I'm thinking "what's the point?" I feel my usefulness to society is over and there's really nothing to look forward to (there are lots of things I enjoy doing, but because people are so insane now, I hesitate to get out much).
Think about teens who have their whole lives ahead of them. What a mess. Some are probably worried about a draft. Who ever imagined things could get so bad? That there could be so much crime and so many crazy people freaking out every day?
Even driving has changed. I am on a FB group for a particular highway and the aggressive drivers boast about going 85 on a 55 hilly road and threaten tail-gating and brag about it. There are serious accidents on this road daily and they don't care. Think if you were a teenager just starting out - can't even imagine driving that road under those circumstances. There was a Meetup to discuss the aggressive drivers in the area! It's the norm. Safety and courtesy are values of the past.
Last edited by Mike from back east; 10-26-2023 at 03:09 PM..
Reason: Removing quoted material that had been deleted.
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