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I think you're on the right track, just keep gently reminding her that grandma has different rules and that it's ok if she forgets sometimes and you aren't mad at her for it. I wouldn't keep on insisting she answer though, I mean she's going to react the same way you would if you had someone repeatedly demanding an answer from you.
And kids can be odd. I tell my son that getting him to talk about his day after school used to be about as much work as pulling teeth, everything, and I mean every.single.response was a one word answer, until it wasn't. And then it was like a switch flipped later in the evening and I couldn't get him to shut up, lol.
Good post! When I consider that I need time to decompress after my workday before getting into any discussions about it, I assume kids are the same way. Just came in from school, aren't ready to rehash it when they first get home.
The way you teach “manners” to children is by thanking them, using please, and by being thoughtful. If parents aren’t modeling these behaviors, they won’t learn. It is not grandma’s job to teach manners, but she can model them for grandchild.
My grandkids seldom respond to questions about their days. They do tend to become involved with screens. I think the OP is doing things right if she does activities with grandchild that she enjoys.
OP, I think you need to let some of this go. Just enjoy your grandchild. You are lucky to have so much time with her.
Besides not answering your questions, it she overall grouchy or have an attitude all the time? Is there anyone in the family on either side that acts like her? Is it possible that it is just her personality that she's inherited?
Thank you all for your wise answers. I will loosen up on her and not be as insistent with her to answer.
We do crafts, painting, baking and coloring together. Those are things she loves and we do have a fun time together then.
As for her manners, I guess I'm thinking about the way we raised our sons. By three, they were both saying please and thanks. We weren't drill instructors with them, it was just part of every day life, and important to us.
Lillie re: We live nearby and either the family comes here for visits, or we stop in at their house (mostly when our son is home from working away, every other week) I cherish our family time together, and I will never discourage our grown children coming to visit us with our grandchildren. Some parents don't have that luxury.
Kids learn by example. Talk with her parents and have them always say please and thank you to you and to each other and the same goes for you. When she asks for something don't insist she say please and if she doesn't, just say "please" yourself and get it, and then when you hand it to her and if she doesn't say thank you just say "thank you". She will eventually start doing it by example not fear.
As for the not answering. Watch that but don't make a big deal. Look to see if she is just ignoring you, hard of hearing, or in her own little world.
I love our cute little grand-daughter so much, and I feel like a wallflower half the time.
We see each other often (about 3x week for a couple of hours) I have to say hello two or three times for her to answer me even if she's not watching TV or doing something that occupies her overly much. Her Mom or Dad get after her when they hear this exchange and then she answers.
When I ask her questions about school or her friends, sometimes she won't answer me.
I don't want to be known as a grumpy grandma, but it's very frustrating and I keep at her until she answers me because I think it will teach her not to be disrespectful towards me. Right? Wrong?
The sun rises and sets with my husband/her grandpa, but he doesn't press these issues.
Her manners aren't the best either.. please/thanks, have to be said every time (yes I blame the parents for that), but I insist on it when she asks for something. She's 5, but she hasn't caught onto it yet that she doesn't get things without saying please and then thanks to me afterwards. If I ask her if she wants something, a lot of time she'll just say NO with a tone. Then I reply with "please don't speak to grandma like that."
I don't want her to grow up to be a teenager, and treating me even more disrespectful.
Am I doing the right thing, or should I just try to ignore the behaviour?
She's 5! There may be a reason she doesn't answer you right away when you ask her about school and friends. Are you expecting her to elaborate on conversations or what?
It's not disrespectful, IMO, at this age. Even if she had a 'tude sometimes. She hasn't gotten all her Ps and Qs down yet. She's learning. She'll get there.
The parents should be teaching her the common courtesies of please and thank you but perhaps they are more relaxed about it than you. When she asks for something, i.e. a cookie, w/out the 'please,' maybe you can just say "can I have a cookie please?" and wait for her to mimic you.
Pressing her could be seen as interfering with the way they are raising their child....and that's never good.
Please, thank you, excuse me , are simple enough for a 5 year old to learn.
I wouldn't be mean about it or expect perfection from her but would continue to encourage her to learn good manners and to learn why they are important.
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