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Tell grandma to butt out (politely initially, but put your foot down all the same). I understand that grandma comes from a different time and finds this embarrassing. But, from where I stand, grandma's prejudices and embarrassment should have zero bearing on your raising a happy and healthy child. If your child enjoys getting his nails painted and is happy, so what?
I don't have a clue about this child's sexuality (and, frankly, I don't give a damn about it), but I'm especially sensitive over this subject as my parents allowed their religious beliefs and fear of how others would view things to serve as the basis for their horrible treatment of my older sister when she came out as bisexual. That treatment has been extremely damaging to my sister.
If grandma cannot get with the program, then perhaps she isn't a healthy person to have around grandchild. It would be a shame if it came to this, but you need to look after your son first and foremost, OP (and anyone else who may be in a similar situation).
I don't have a clue about this child's sexuality (and, frankly, I don't give a damn about it), but I'm especially sensitive over this subject as my parents allowed their religious beliefs and fear of how others would view things to serve as the basis for their horrible treatment of my older sister when she came out as bisexual. That treatment has been extremely damaging to my sister.
I can appreciate how horrible it was for your sister. How it would affect your relationship with your parents as well. Holiday celebrations must be awful for everyone.
However, setting up a child to be bullied by his peers isn't good either.
I think you're conflating what a kid gets bullied about, versus why they get bullied. A kid might get bullied about having painted nails, painted nails won't provoke bullying in a dynamic where it wouldn't otherwise exist. It's about personality and social dynamics, not any particular fashion choice, hobby, belief, etc.
I was bullied mercilessly for years because my family was Jewish in an area of the country where few people were anything but Protestant. Should my parents not have raised me to be proud of my culture because it made me a target for bullies?
Don't make excuses for bullies, or for the people who raise them.
Noting that the kid is more likely to be bullied due to painted nails isn't excusing bullies.
I can appreciate how horrible it was for your sister. How it would affect your relationship with your parents as well. Holiday celebrations must be awful for everyone.
However, setting up a child to be bullied by his peers isn't good either.
I can appreciate how horrible it was for your sister. How it would affect your relationship with your parents as well. Holiday celebrations must be awful for everyone.
However, setting up a child to be bullied by his peers isn't good either.
Yes, it was rough.
I see your point about not wanting to set up a child to be bullied by his peers, but I say in cases like that have your child be around groups that value him or her for who they are and what they want to be. No matter how hard you try to fit in, you can still be the victim of bullying. I was bullied for my stutter, for the clothes I wore, and for a host of other things. But I never stopped speaking and wore what I wanted to wear, the bullies be damned. While I wasn't Emo, I looked up to those kids in high school in many ways for daring to go against the mold and be who they were. I stopped giving a crap about a lot of things a long time ago (I know, this is often easier said than done) and went on to live my life and surround myself with others who share my values and who don't judge me for being who I am.
Note, not letting your child do these things can also be damaging in many ways, too. If your child is naturally feminine and appreciates certain things that society at large would bully him over, having him repress those desires/who he is can really mess with him as well.
I paint my own nails sometimes but would never put nail polish on my little granddaughters; they seem like strong chemicals, especially the remover. If I were the parents, I would ask grandparents to not put chemicals on the child. Same thing with makeup. I would never put makeup on a child, either. If the parents want to, they can, although I would not really approve.
Why put either of these things on a little child?
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