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Well, these are the parents who insisted on buying trophies with their kids names on them, for every season of soccer played.
It's not surprising these parents have turned into grand parents who have given up their autonomy to help raise the next generation, their grandkids.
I've never seen such devotion and time spent grand parenting, considering the parents themselves are married and are doing fine by themselves. Or should be.
I have a friend who is taking care of an 8 month old, and a 4 year old, while her daughter and SIL are on an 8 day cruise for their 5th anniversary. REALLY?
I don't see anything wrong with watching the grandkids, we've done it many times. My parents took my kids and I stayed with my grandparents too. It's nothing new in our family. None of us live close anymore but we'll travel to be with each other. Time is short. Family time is important.
Several of us just drove 9 hours round trip last weekend to watch our grandson get baptized and visit with his new baby sister.
I have a friend who is taking care of an 8 month old, and a 4 year old, while her daughter and SIL are on an 8 day cruise for their 5th anniversary. REALLY?
I wish! We have lived 5 miles from my in-laws since we got married, and not once did they offer to take our three kids while my husband and I got away. We didn't have even a day trip alone together until the kids were old enough to stay by themselves. I had to beg MIL to watch the kids when I had a doctor appointment, and even then she would never come to my house, I had to schlep the kids over to her place where they had nothing to do.
So much for that. I have two daughters in their early 20s who say they want kids, and if they are nearby if/when that happens, I want to help out. Not 24/7, but I am going to be a lot more available than my ILs were.
If, however, they move far away, I don't intend to uproot and go live near them. Never say never, but I love where we live.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG
I don't see anything wrong with watching the grandkids, we've done it many times. My parents took my kids and I stayed with my grandparents too. It's nothing new in our family. None of us live close anymore but we'll travel to be with each other. Time is short. Family time is important.
Several of us just drove 9 hours round trip last weekend to watch our grandson get baptized and visit with his new baby sister.
I completely get staying close, and getting together often. My family gathers often.
What I haven't seen before, is grandparents doing SO MUCH child care, when the parents are capable themselves. OR, having parents and grandparents needed on hand to take care of one healthy child. I've seen cases where a father goes out of town for a 3 day business trip, and grandma comes to stay with mom during that time because "of course, she'll need help" with a healthy normal 8 month old. Why? The amount of help parents need, with one or two healthy normal children is something I've never seen before.
I think a lot of "baby chaser" grandparents are looking for the sense of purpose that grand-parenting can bring. Daughter's in-laws basically plan her and the kids lives now. Though daughter and son-in-law have never taken their own getaway with the kids, the in-laws count on semi-annual vacations all together and also want to get together with them most weekends. Perhaps that is why once a year, daughter takes a solo vacation just to get away from "family is everything".
I think a lot of "baby chaser" grandparents are looking for the sense of purpose that grand-parenting can bring. Daughter's in-laws basically plan her and the kids lives now. Though daughter and son-in-law have never taken their own getaway with the kids, the in-laws count on semi-annual vacations all together and also want to get together with them most weekends. Perhaps that is why once a year, daughter takes a solo vacation just to get away from "family is everything".
Every weekend? That's too much. As much as I wish my in-laws had helped more with the kids when they were small, I'd prefer a lack of involvement over having to spend every weekend and two vacations a year with the in-laws.
the in-laws count on semi-annual vacations all together and also want to get together with them most weekends
Good Lord, that is too much. We live nearby but we rarely see them on weekends. We see the grands on the days they are out of school because we usually have them. If there is an event on the weekend, we go to it and see all of them, but other than that, we give them their space to be a family unit, because during the week they are all caught up with working and schoolwork and after-school activities.
I can count on one hand the vacations we've all taken together. Not that we wouldn't want to, but finding space for 9-11 people (if we include our other daughter and her partner) is a lot harder than when they just had 2 kids.
Retired. We're 100 miles away but see our gk and a lot of events they participate in 1-2 times week..Wouldn't have it any other way. One child keeps us very involved.
They all live crazy warp speed lives we used to live before they were grown.
We pray they find the Lord and to keep as much stability as we can contribute in the satanic world we've come to be in!
They all live in town. We live remote, in the mts and forest. We hope we can share a little of that side of life.
I think a lot of "baby chaser" grandparents are looking for the sense of purpose that grand-parenting can bring. Daughter's in-laws basically plan her and the kids lives now. Though daughter and son-in-law have never taken their own getaway with the kids, the in-laws count on semi-annual vacations all together and also want to get together with them most weekends. Perhaps that is why once a year, daughter takes a solo vacation just to get away from "family is everything".
I agree with the others that that's too much. Our son's family lived with us for 2 years but we kept things separate (different floors of the house) just so we would still get along and that worked.
A young family may have as many as 4 sets of grandparents if there have been divorces/remarriages. Some are very demanding and want the family to be with them on holidays and vacations. We can see it among our 5 grown kids. We chose to be the non-demanding set of grandparents and not put pressure on them to see us at Christmas, etc. It's turned out well.
Unfortunately, we lost our only son when he died at age 34, unmarried and no children.
Our #1 Daughter gave birth to our only Grandchild, a little girl, in Dec of 2023.
Our Daughter is not married to the father. Long story.... and does not make sense to ms gamboogal and I. But we love #1 Daughter and #1 Granddaughter !
Literally a week after giving birth, #1 Daughter moved to be near us here in The Woodlands, Tx as she knew she would need help.
She is 10 miles and about 20 minutes from our house.
We are keeping our Granddaughter for her while she goes to work. She works 3 days per week and gets her full-time hours in during this 3 days. Long shifts...
We go and pick up the baby and bring her home and watch her. We then take her to her Moms or her Mom will stay with us overnight.
ms gamboolgal is in Hog Heaven and I am too. We are so thankful to be able to watch our Granddaughter and help our Daughter out.
But boy - is it ever tiring taking care of a baby. But it is a Joy for us.
We have installed a Stair Lift as we do not trust ourselves on the Stairs while carrying an Infant. We have child proofed the House.
We are blessed and for us we can't imagine not doing what we are doing. We hope we can keep it up for as long as need be.
Our Daughter is very grateful and she works hard. She is very thankful and appreciative of what we are doing.
For ms gamboolgal and I, we are choosing to do this and to help out with costs while we are alive and can see the impact that it makes for our Daughter and Granddaughter. We will most likely leave a pretty good sized Portfolio to our Daughter / Granddaughter - so we are enjoying seeing the benefit now while we are alive.
But that's just us....
gamboolman....
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As much as I wish my in-laws had helped more with the kids when they were small, I'd prefer a lack of involvement over having to spend every weekend and two vacations a year with the in-laws.