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I am 45, have never married and have been thinking a lot about this question lately.
In my small close circle of other female friends I don't think I have any examples of what I would call a Christian marriage. Neither of my parents married. Lately I have been wondering if I have been called to be single; I feel that I have, but I can't actually even explain why I feel that way - it's just that I've been single for so long that I figured 'this must be the way God wants it'. Recently I have questioned this a bit.
I have a Christian friend or 2 that want to remarry and when I ask them why they state because they don't want to be alone. Lately however I've been wondering is that a good sole reason to marry? And I've been wondering more about the purpose behind this type of covenant.
So. With that said, how does one know if they are called to be single? How did you know?
Can you offer some passages I may meditate on to gain more insights regarding God's purpose for marriage?
Maybe God just doesn't care either way. Maybe God doesn't micro-manage your life to the extent of 'calling' you to be single or married or what job or career you will have. Maybe that's strictly up to you.
I disagree that marriage is "all about the children." Of course if a young man or woman wants children, they should seek to get married; that's a given. But it's not the only reason, because many people who are married don't have children whether they wanted them or not. Marriage also exists to create a special legal and spiritual bond, beyond that of mere friendship, so that a man and woman will live together and mutually help and support each other throughout their lives. This is stated way back at the beginning of Genesis when God said it is not good for a man to be alone, so Eve was made to be a suitable helper for Adam (and of course the opposite is also implied; in general it's not great for a woman to be alone either).
I always knew I wanted to be married and have children, so when I was in my late teens/early 20s, I went out of my way to spend time in places where I could meet Christian singles. I suppose it could have happened that up to this day I never met anyone I wanted to marry, and only time would tell if I would be single for my entire life, but if I had not even wanted to marry, that of course would have been a definitive sign that I was called to be single.
What you haven't said is whether you want to be married. Are you or were you ever "looking" for a spouse? Are you satisfied with your life as a single woman? God doesn't just tell us these things straight out, but the combination of our desires and the path our lives take lets us know what his will for us is.
I am 45, have never married and have been thinking a lot about this question lately.
In my small close circle of other female friends I don't think I have any examples of what I would call a Christian marriage. Neither of my parents married. Lately I have been wondering if I have been called to be single; I feel that I have, but I can't actually even explain why I feel that way - it's just that I've been single for so long that I figured 'this must be the way God wants it'. Recently I have questioned this a bit.
I have a Christian friend or 2 that want to remarry and when I ask them why they state because they don't want to be alone. Lately however I've been wondering is that a good sole reason to marry? And I've been wondering more about the purpose behind this type of covenant.
So. With that said, how does one know if they are called to be single? How did you know?
Can you offer some passages I may meditate on to gain more insights regarding God's purpose for marriage?
What do you want for yourself?
It's one thing to be content and alone. It's another to be burning with the desire to be married.
Do you want to be married because many others are? Do you believe God is moving you toward single hood?
One, in my former church family, just got married for the first time and I believe she is in her 60s.
I'm all about if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will (in most cases) give you the desires of your heart (Ps 37). If not, He will give you a definite "no" (like Paul & the thorn in the flesh). But you have to be looking at Him, and not everyone else regarding the issue.
From a secular, worldly perspective - it's slim pickins for a good & godly man these days, especially black men (I think I remember that you are black). But God can put a ram in the bush.
I would be so bold as to say that the fact that you are 45 and unmarried means that you are called to be single.
Since you are past or at least nearly past childbearing age, what would be the purpose of your getting married?
Marriage exists for the sake of the children -- to provide them with a stable environment for their upbringing.
Your singleness is a great gift that makes you free to be used by God in ways impossible and unfathomable to a married person.
You have really closed your mind off to a wonderful gift. Marriage is the perfect vehicle for learning LOVE.
Child-bearing is absolutely NOT the sole purpose of marriage. And to say so is to not understand this aspect of our Creator, imho.
Marriage is being intimately involved, body, mind and soul with another human being. To mirror back and forth, to go through challenges and struggles, triumphs and victories, to learn HOW to LOVE. To learn what LOVE is and to put that learning into action. To keep going when things get tough, to help each other, to learn to be kind, selfless, long-suffering, everything that LOVE is.... like I said, to mirror back and forth. It is one of the most beautiful things when two people can learn what LOVE truly is, deeply in their souls. To slough off the shallow and fleeting and to discover and value the deep and everlasting. God is LOVE. We learn the substance of God. We learn what LOVE is and what love is not. We learn what God is and what God is not.
To the OP. Keep your mind and your heart open. You do not know what the future holds. If you think God has "chosen" something for you.... what if you are wrong? Take life as it comes and do not put yourself in a box.
You have really closed your mind off to a wonderful gift. Marriage is the perfect vehicle for learning LOVE.
Child-bearing is absolutely NOT the sole purpose of marriage. And to say so is to not understand this aspect of our Creator, imho.
Marriage is being intimately involved, body, mind and soul with another human being. To mirror back and forth, to go through challenges and struggles, triumphs and victories, to learn HOW to LOVE. To learn what LOVE is and to put that learning into action. To keep going when things get tough, to help each other, to learn to be kind, selfless, long-suffering, everything that LOVE is.... like I said, to mirror back and forth. It is one of the most beautiful things when two people can learn what LOVE truly is, deeply in their souls. To slough off the shallow and fleeting and to discover and value the deep and everlasting. God is LOVE. We learn the substance of God. We learn what LOVE is and what love is not. We learn what God is and what God is not.
To the OP. Keep your mind and your heart open. You do not know what the future holds. If you think God has "chosen" something for you.... what if you are wrong? Take life as it comes and do not put yourself in a box.
peace,
sparrow
Nice post, sparrow. Soul-mates . . .what can compare with that?
Nice post, sparrow. Soul-mates . . .what can compare with that?
Nothing, nothing at all, but I worry when people are fixated on finding their "soulmate" and turn away even very good candidates because there is something just not quite right...not quite "soulmate" about them.
I understand that the post was more about someone becoming a soulmate over a long time and a lot of mutual experiences, with difficulties and losses as well as wonderful times, but this is very easy to misunderstand.
Don't go out looking for a soulmate, look for someone you both like and respect, and can solve problems with. No amount of spark or passion or even mutual common interests will get you anywhere without those qualities.
Marriage is being intimately involved, body, mind and soul with another human being. To mirror back and forth, to go through challenges and struggles, triumphs and victories, to learn HOW to LOVE. To learn what LOVE is and to put that learning into action. To keep going when things get tough, to help each other, to learn to be kind, selfless, long-suffering, everything that LOVE is.... like I said, to mirror back and forth. It is one of the most beautiful things when two people can learn what LOVE truly is, deeply in their souls. To slough off the shallow and fleeting and to discover and value the deep and everlasting. God is LOVE. We learn the substance of God. We learn what LOVE is and what love is not. We learn what God is and what God is not.
I don't disagree with this at all. Marriage can of course be sanctifying even if childbearing is not a part of it due to circumstance.
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