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I'm an introvert as well - so I get it. I don't need or want a ton of people in my life - but I am figuring out good relationships with at least a few people outside of the family is good. I'm still working on that - especially since recently relocating to GA.
It's good that you have the 1 close friend. For me, I do a lot of sports so I am constantly around people, but I am pretty quiet. Every so often I will find someone that I can relate to pretty well. I hope you are able to enjoy a hobby or interest every once in a while where you are around others with similar interests. If nothing else, it can relax and reset your mind.
I would ask more questions - but I don't want you to put too much of your business out there. But if you have a prayer request, I can at least do that for you. You can let me know here or DM me.
Thanks for the congrats on my marriage. Some days I wonder how we made it this far. Some days it's smooth as butter. But that's life.
Still, it's good to hear from people who make it in long-term marriages. When I got divorced, I felt like a terrible failure, even though I had to learn that there was nothing I could do to fix another person. I thought I should be able to, but I did not have that power.
But I saw people who were bitter and angry and condemned all marriage because their own did not work, and I resolved not to be that way. I know people who have good marriages that have worked, and yes, none are free of ups and downs.
You have really closed your mind off to a wonderful gift. Marriage is the perfect vehicle for learning LOVE.
Child-bearing is absolutely NOT the sole purpose of marriage. And to say so is to not understand this aspect of our Creator, imho.
Marriage is being intimately involved, body, mind and soul with another human being. To mirror back and forth, to go through challenges and struggles, triumphs and victories, to learn HOW to LOVE. To learn what LOVE is and to put that learning into action. To keep going when things get tough, to help each other, to learn to be kind, selfless, long-suffering, everything that LOVE is.... like I said, to mirror back and forth. It is one of the most beautiful things when two people can learn what LOVE truly is, deeply in their souls. To slough off the shallow and fleeting and to discover and value the deep and everlasting. God is LOVE. We learn the substance of God. We learn what LOVE is and what love is not. We learn what God is and what God is not.
To the OP. Keep your mind and your heart open. You do not know what the future holds. If you think God has "chosen" something for you.... what if you are wrong? Take life as it comes and do not put yourself in a box.
peace,
sparrow
I've often described marriage as
spiritual boot-camp.
I've often described marriage as
spiritual boot-camp.
I very much doubt that most people hope their marriage could be characterized as a boot camp, because the only possible drill instructor would be their partner, lol.
That said, marriage is not all sweetness and light, "a room without windows, a room without doors" as the song has it. It is two imperfect people figuring out how to get along while hopefully keeping the flame kindled, so to speak. Hopefully it is on balance a pleasant experience.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the "brass ring" that people seem to really want, which the literature terms a "vital marriage" -- one in which there is minimal conflict and the relationship is the greatest joy of BOTH partners. My informal research suggests however that the couples who achieve that are in the single digit percentages at best. I'm guessing another 10 or 20 percent rationalize that they have achieved that when they really haven't if they're honest with themselves -- or they arrive at that destination at the price of considerable false starts.
One thing the numbers bear out is that Christians divorce at about the same rate as everyone else, so turning the enterprise into a "spiritual" one appears to offer no real help in this regard. The best indicator is if both parties to the marriage come from a stable home and a reasonably safe and happy childhood, such that marriage is not that thing they have been waiting for to solve all their problems and scratch all their itches. Because it won't. All marriage does is give you more of what you already have: if you're a basically centered, content person, you'll get more of that. If you're basically a selfish, immature or unstable person, you'll get more of THAT.
Still, it's good to hear from people who make it in long-term marriages. When I got divorced, I felt like a terrible failure, even though I had to learn that there was nothing I could do to fix another person. I thought I should be able to, but I did not have that power.
But I saw people who were bitter and angry and condemned all marriage because their own did not work, and I resolved not to be that way. I know people who have good marriages that have worked, and yes, none are free of ups and downs.
My model is my parents... 63 years and still going
I have quite unwell since 14 and I am 51 now. I think my conditions have stolen perhaps some of the joy that God may have wanted to give me like having children and getting married.
God knows what will do with our lives but I don't think he intended me to be in chasisty. I was not intended to life as a nun.
I was wondering if the person who started this post has been affected by illness. Sometimes it is just meant to be for some people as well.
I have turned my life into one where I try and serve God through my conditions today and it helps being single.
My model is my parents... 63 years and still going
That's wonderful.
My parents celebrated their fiftieth in 1999, and my father died of a heart attack later that year.
But when my mother died at 91 in 2020, she was survived by an uncle AND his wife, both of whom died later that year, six weeks apart. They were both 96 and had been married for 76 years!
I very much doubt that most people hope their marriage could be characterized as a boot camp, because the only possible drill instructor would be their partner, lol.
That said, marriage is not all sweetness and light, "a room without windows, a room without doors" as the song has it. It is two imperfect people figuring out how to get along while hopefully keeping the flame kindled, so to speak. Hopefully it is on balance a pleasant experience.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the "brass ring" that people seem to really want, which the literature terms a "vital marriage" -- one in which there is minimal conflict and the relationship is the greatest joy of BOTH partners. My informal research suggests however that the couples who achieve that are in the single digit percentages at best. I'm guessing another 10 or 20 percent rationalize that they have achieved that when they really haven't if they're honest with themselves -- or they arrive at that destination at the price of considerable false starts.
One thing the numbers bear out is that Christians divorce at about the same rate as everyone else, so turning the enterprise into a "spiritual" one appears to offer no real help in this regard. The best indicator is if both parties to the marriage come from a stable home and a reasonably safe and happy childhood, such that marriage is not that thing they have been waiting for to solve all their problems and scratch all their itches. Because it won't. All marriage does is give you more of what you already have: if you're a basically centered, content person, you'll get more of that. If you're basically a selfish, immature or unstable person, you'll get more of THAT.
I can't speak for other Christians, and am not surprised that many of their marriages end in divorce.
As for me, I firmly believe it is God's will that marriage succeeds. And that it can be a vehicle towards a more meaningful relationship with God and others.
It's been my experience that anyone can talk the talk. But the rubber hits the road in our relationships with others. Marriage being the preeminent one.
I can't speak for other Christians, and am not surprised that many of their marriages end in divorce.
As for me, I firmly believe it is God's will that marriage succeeds. And that it can be a vehicle towards a more meaningful relationship with God and others.
It's been my experience that anyone can talk the talk. But the rubber hits the road in our relationships with others. Marriage being the preeminent one.
A healthy culture starts with healthy marriages and families.
That doesn't imply that everyone needs to be married - but marriage is the designed means to bring the next generation of adults into the world.
I was wondering if the person who started this post has been affected by illness. Sometimes it is just meant to be for some people as well.
I have not been impacted by illness.
(Not directly anyways. I am a full time solo caregiver to a parent though so I am indirectly impacted you could perhaps say as being a caregiver impacts my ability now to say, leave the home solo outside of very short periods of time.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissObi
God knows what will do with our lives but I don't think he intended me to be in chasisty. I was not intended to life as a nun.
I do personally believe the Word is pretty clear on the importance of sexual morality (if that is what you are referring to.)
I was at quite a loss when I your saw your reply, because I wasn't asking this information from you and wouldn’t dream of asking it of anyone else as people's sexual morality is not my concern and I find it too close to being judgemental. I said my post was about my experience. I feel I am single and celibate through circumstance due to chronic illness. I think if I map my life it has been one where God has been freely upholding me from an early age rather than me serving him so far as a vocation. I've done a few things, but they are nothing compared to if my circumstances where different.
A lot of people feel called at a young age and Jesus starts walking with them. Catherine of Siena was just four years old.
The people around me in my life all my family have children. With the people around me also there are widows who decide not to remarry as well. Most people I know who have ended up single have had an illness or some other condition. There are some it seems people who have just by choice not decided to settle down or may be they have not met the right person. In fact though every religious leader I know or have met outside the Catholic faith seems to be married and most have children and it's not called on for parishioners to not marry. Many nuns and sisters start their journey in their late teens and have had no sexual partners in their life. Paul wrote in his letters it is good for a woman to be unmarried as they tend to look to serve God. He wrote his letters some time ago as well. It seems the only faith now in the Christian tradition that calls on the vows of Celibacy is Catholics’ and some Orthodox religions. I have thought about it myself, but I couldn't convert and with my health it wouldn't work out now.
Obviously you are doing caring work at the moment, which I am sure is very pleasing to God.
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan
I do personally believe the Word is pretty clear on the importance of sexual morality (if that is what you are referring to.)
Last edited by MissObi; 05-18-2024 at 09:03 PM..
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