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First off, Hi. I just joined this forum and hope that my story will help other Christians caught in sin.
I'll give an overview of meeting Jesus, and then proceed to what happened afterwards. I have been free for about 16 years.
My Story:
I came from a violent home, (drugs, alcohol, gun shots, being chased with knives, people thrown thru picture pane windows), in fact I was born three months early because my father kicked my mother in the stomach, and I weighed two pounds nine ounces.
As early as 7yrs old I was out on the streets till 3-4am, I was put in three orphanages... once my father snuck into our house, he put a loaded pistol in my hand and told me to shoot my sisters and my mother, it was crazy. Through all of this, (which I wouldn't change), I came out a fairly normal kid, I was involved in sports and didn't do drugs, or drink. I thought I was a survivor, wanting only to make it through another day.
At age 16 (in 1974) I started to sense a need in my life, an emptiness that I couldn't explain. I knew I had to find God/Jesus, but who was HE? I had no idea where to find HIM, so I went to the local library to find books concerning world religions, God, and the occult. At the library I met an ex-hippie (Gary Osborn) he saw my books and decided to share the message with me. Gary invited me to pray in the back of his V.W. so I did, I remember saying "God forgive me for my sins, and whatever you have for me I want it all".
Well at first nothing happened I expected, lightening or something. Gary said, "Just go home and praise God" I said, "What's that, mean" Gary said, "Just thank him" So I did just that.
The remaining is sacred to me, before I asked Jesus into my heart, I never heard voices, I never drank, and I never did drugs, but one week after meeting Jesus while in the middle of my last class (during high school) A voice, just as clear, as someone standing next to you, spoke, and as the voice spoke it said to me, "rod tell them about Jesus" I was surprised, but unafraid, I put my hand over my mouth, since I didn't want anyone to think I was talking too myself, I said (to whoever spoke to me) "I don't know what to say" the voice said "don't be afraid, I'll give you the words to say" To this day I don't remember my words, but I spoke to those kids about Jesus and salvation, their mouths just dropped open and then, class was over, I walked out of that room, feeling like I had never felt before.
The next day was Saturday; I slept in the living room on an old couch. When I woke it was early and I decided to turn on the TV, to watch my favorite cartoon, the roadrunner.
As I sat there watching the TV, I got up and looked outside, everything was so beautiful, (I never appreciated nature, I just wanted to make it through another day). BUT now it was so pretty, I sat back down on the couch, and as I did, I was somewhere else.
I was sitting at a long rough huen table, to my right was God, the father, I couldn't see him, to my left was Satan, him I could see (he looked like a man only very big) then in front of me was Jesus, three bowls appear, filled with what looked like porridge. Now the father spoke and said Satan dismiss yourself, Satan stood and screamed, then vanished. Three bites were taken out of the bowl. Then all at once I was watching myself from a distance, walking with Jesus up a grassy pathway. Jesus was speaking to me but from a distance I couldn't hear him, I could see myself shaking my head (like I understand) then thru my eyes I saw the house where I had been sleeping.
I didn't know what had happened; I'd never experienced anything like that, but I knew two things, I had to find a pastor to talk too, and I KNEW GOD loved me and wanted something from me...my total surrender, my life totally under his control, every second, moment by moment, and I was consumed with this one desire, to live too PLEASE HIM. Let me give you an example: When a friend from school would come over and say, "Hey rod." "Let's go to a show" I'd say, "hold on." Then I'd go in the bathroom and pray, "Lord should I go?" Sometimes the Lord would say "go", sometimes "no" At times He was silent, when this happened, I would look inside, to my heart, (Spirit), (see Colossians 3:15) if I had peace I would go, if not, I'd stay home.
As I practiced this new desire, (surrender), I noticed the voice of the Lord became more frequent and clearer, (John 10:27). It always had to agree with scripture. The word of the Lord will always agree with the true meaning and / or the true interpretation of scripture).
I knew I needed to get a bible, I went to a bookstore, and I got the largest family bible I'd ever seen, with pictures and everything. I was so happy. That night the voice of the lord said, "Read Matthew 5." I had to look in the contents; I didn't know where Matthew was. When I found it and started to read, the words became a ("Word of the Lord to me") they just jumped off the page, they seemed to come alive, and they filled me, with hope, love and peace. Now I knew God loved me, and my sins were gone, I was forgiven...
As time passed I grew, sometimes I'd walk into a busy office or building (like a D.O.L) and the Lord would say go sit by that guy, I would strike up a conversation, then say "you don't know me but I'm a Christian and God is going to share with me about your life" I don't mean simple things like "you have the flu" or "Headaches", but deep, personal things that others couldn't know or even guess. People would usually start to cry and ask, "how did you know?" I'd say, "I didn't but God knew".
One of the best lessons from the Lord concerning trusting Him happened like this; I was traveling from Philly to Atlantic city, I got on the road, and started to hitch a ride, (it wasn't illegal at that time) within one hour and twenty minutes I was in Atlantic city (which was a one-hour drive!) I got 4 different rides, as I stepped into each vehicle I boldly proclaimed, "Hi I'm a child of the King, and God's going to bless you for picking me up!" God gave me very personal details about each of those people and all but one came to Christ.
When I got to Atlantic City, God said "Rod, when you get to the prayer meeting tonight, I want you to give all your money, to Johnnie Diaz". I said, "Lord that's all I've got?" (About 300.00) God replied, "you take care of your brothers and sisters in the Lord, and I'll take care of you." So, upon arriving in Atlantic City, I secretly gave all my money to Johnnie, (this was to cover something for Johnnie that was very personal, so I know he didn't share this with anyone).
That night I asked myself "how am I going to get back to work, tomorrow? I didn't have a penny, not even enough for bus fare, and in my spirit, I knew I wasn't to hitch hike, but instead the Lord wanted me on the bus. After sleeping that night and leaving the brothers house the next day, (where the meeting had been held), I started walking to the bus station. As I got closer and closer, I was imagining, "is the drivers going to just "know" he's supposed to let me ride for free?" But as I approached the depot, a brother named "Chicky" came out of his house and said, "rod I think the Lord wants me to give this to you." It was exactly what I needed for bus fare!
But then I fell, thru a sad set of circumstances with some other believers. This led to my backsliding.
Years Later:
My greatest moment of clarity came after my greatest failure. I had done the worst thing a Christian could do. I tried to kill myself, with a shotgun, loaded with d-aut buckshot. I put it in my mouth and pushed the trigger. After several surgeries, and a month in the hospital (carotid artery severed, huge hole in my head). I finally came home to recover.
One day everyone went to the store. I had become a Christian during the Jesus movement. I had no idea what God thought of me now. I’m sitting at the kitchen table, all alone. It was raining outside, and I was looking out the window, when all of a sudden, I hear, a voice say: Rod do you notice the rain drops, that they are all different from one another. I said I suppose so Lord. And do you know that you’re different. I start to weep, thinking He is speaking about my face. Sternly, but without anger He says “NOT LIKE THAT!” I'm not talking about your face.
Rod you are like a piece of fruit in a bowl, with many other pieces of fruit (Christians), but you are the worse piece of fruit in the bowl. And that is why I will use you for my glory. Some people, I put in the palm of my hand, I look at them, then I look away, but with you, I never take my eyes off of you.
Then He asks me, why do you believe, what you believe, and who taught you. I said Lord I don’t know, I guess I just picked things up from others, along the way. He said do you think truth goes from the mind of one man and into another? I say no. I believe it comes from revelation. Then several things rush into my mind, as if someone is pouring them into me, things about the bible and God start to come together.
Rod I don’t ever want you to put your sins above my love and grace for you. I don’t want you to look for things in yourself to improve, or try and change… I’m the vine dresser, I’m the shepherd, I am the one who washes. I Cleanse and teach you. I will bring things to your attention when I want to change things, then you just agree with me, and turn those things over to me, then I will change those things, not you… You are not to shine or polish the cup. You just abide in me, and rest in me, do not try to establish your own righteousness.
I had a sin, that plagued me. Lust was a big problem. For years I prayed, fasted, wrote pastors, talked with friends, got prayer ETC. NOTHING helped. Every hour of every day I was assaulted.
Then one day I understand, and I become FREE, not only from my sins, sins in general, but from sin itself. For we are free of it’s power and penalty. We are to live Hebrews CH 4
Let me share how my freedom came to me: One day I’m driving my car to work, I see, and I lust, the same as the last 30 years.
All of a sudden, I scream at God, “When are you going to help me with this”…Suddenly I hear, “When are you going to tell me the truth”. I say “What truth” …
Then I suddenly know what He wants, as if someone pours it into my head…He wants me to agree with Him.
So I say “Lord I love my sin, I don’t want you to interfere in anyway, leave me alone with my sin, for I love it.
This was years ago now. Now I no longer live under the bondage of sin…
I have shared this with many men, they have told me they shared it with others, they said they prayed the same way to The Lord and they became free. I hope this helps
3:6.8 (53.6) God the Father loves men; God the Son serves men; God the Spirit inspires the children of the universe to the ever-ascending adventure of finding God the Father by the ways ordained by God the Sons through the ministry of the grace of God the Spirit. https://www.urantia.org/urantia-book...attributes-god
Some of the details such as God and Satan sitting at his side, then Satan standing up and screaming, and the bit about walking up to a stranger and being able to tell this stranger personal things about him were tip offs that he was just making up a fictional story in my opinion.
Well, I read the negative comments above. Sad that people think I would lie about this. Proves that some, seem to discern things incorrectly.
I guess I could post some photos, my face is a mess. But it's not that important, is it? Let people believe what they want.
The bottom line is, Jesus came to save, and there are only 2 types of people. Those who are born again, and those who are not.
It doesn't matter your denomination, political views, the church you go to, or the beliefs you have. Either you know God, and more importantly God knows you, or you don't.
It truly is about relationship and heeding the words of Jesus, when He said, "You must be born again" and this is not something you can do, it's a spiritual event, God has to do it.
But allow me to share about Hebrews CH4, the rest that we are admonished to heed, and also to share about being born again.
I Went To See The Son of God Movie… When All of a Sudden…As I Was Watching Jesus Die… I heard myself say “Oh that is why Jesus died, as it dawned on me that Jesus was right when he said “You must be born again.
In all of Paul’s writings concerning:
The Spirit,
The Flesh,
Death,
Sin,
Lust of the flesh,
The 1st Adam,
The 2nd Adam,
and walking in the Spirit…
That these things are all tied to the death of Jesus.
It’s as if God decided to give up on “The flesh” since the flesh was never able to abide by His commands, nor please Him, and move to the Spirit, as a new creation. Kind of like changing trains, or modes of transportation…
That is why Jesus said “You must be born again”. Born of Spirit. A new creation. Jesus died; literally killed the vehicle of sin, and death, by dying in the flesh. So when we are born again, we really are NEW creatures. Old things have passed away. This is why that seed remains sin free. Because sin worked through the flesh…
Adam was in the flesh, and sinned in the flesh.
Sin can’t work in the Spirit…It’s not the right vehicle (seed) for sin…
How had you already got so far in your thinking that you knew it was Jesus as understood by evangelicals that you were needing, as opposed to god generally or "something more" which is where most people begin such a journey? That is usually where the sense of need to address some internal lack leads a person. After all, at first, you don't know if you're looking for Jesus or the Great Pumpkin.
How had you already got so far in your thinking that you knew it was Jesus as understood by evangelicals that you were needing, as opposed to god generally or "something more" which is where most people begin such a journey? That is usually where the sense of need to address some internal lack leads a person. After all, at first, you don't know if you're looking for Jesus or the Great Pumpkin.
Hi Mordant.
When I wrote the following:
"At age 16 (in 1974) I started to sense a need in my life, an emptiness that I couldn't explain.
I knew I had to find God/Jesus, but who was HE?
I had no idea where to find HIM, so I went to the local library to find books concerning world religions, God, and the occult.
At the library I met an ex-hippie (Gary Osborn) he saw my books and decided to share the message with me."
In the above story, I just gave a small part of the conversation, as I did with the rest of my testimony, to shorten it up. But I'll share more of that, so it makes more sense.
You are right, I had no idea, who God was, as you said, "The great Pumpkin."
But when Gary spoke to me about needing God, I asked, "who is God". He said Jesus. I said Who is that, Gary kind of sighed, realizing I knew nothing at all. So, he just said "look just come out to my car and pray with my wife and I".
So, I had no idea, I would have never found Jesus on my own.
"At age 16 (in 1974) I started to sense a need in my life, an emptiness that I couldn't explain.
I knew I had to find God/Jesus, but who was HE?
I had no idea where to find HIM, so I went to the local library to find books concerning world religions, God, and the occult.
At the library I met an ex-hippie (Gary Osborn) he saw my books and decided to share the message with me."
In the above story, I just gave a small part of the conversation, as I did with the rest of my testimony, to shorten it up. But I'll share more of that, so it makes more sense.
You are right, I had no idea, who God was, as you said, "The great Pumpkin."
But when Gary spoke to me about needing God, I asked, "who is God". He said Jesus. I said Who is that, Gary kind of sighed, realizing I knew nothing at all. So, he just said "look just come out to my car and pray with my wife and I".
So, I had no idea, I would have never found Jesus on my own.
O, IC. Thanks for the clarification.
So have you subsequently been able to identify what itch you were needing scratched? "A need in my life, an emptiness I couldn't explain"? I mean some people never feel that in a concrete, gut-level way, and sometimes not even in an abstract, intellectual way. Do you think it was a lack of direction or purpose? A 16 year old can easily feel that if they don't have enough structure or a good framing of things from how they were raised.
Hi again. This is very hard to explain, even if you know the answer.
Also, it's difficult because of how it can sound, as if you are making a big deal out of yourself, which I shun at all costs.
God's glory is something I do not want to seem to be seeking. For example, I shudder when I see ministries put the pastors name in the title (Bill Jones Ministries). Just an example to clarify. I actually don't know of a ministry by that name.
As I look back on my life, I reflect on all the horrible things I endured as a child, and a teen. I had never felt a need. I just went thru it.
But this was different, it was as if someone was able to touch a place in you so deep, and so tender, that you couldn't help but find an answer. I wasn't even sure that I could sleep or eat, that is how strong it was. I had to find an answer, whoever or whatever God was, I had to find out.
Here let me try and explain, it another way, from my experiences, my long life (I'm almost 70), and my inner knowing. I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Here is my take anyway.
I once knew a lady from the underground Russian / Christian Church, the one that was persecuted, not the state sponsored one. When we met, she said to me, you are an unusual, Christian, some people are called, and some are chosen, but you are both.
At first this shocked me. Yet overtime, as I reflected on my life, and meeting Jesus, His drawing, and the walk I had along with the supernatural experiences, I came to the conclusion, that God was with me in a strange way, and maybe her description wasn't wrong, just hard for me to hear and accept.
But the kicker is, I'm the worst candidate, there are much finer Christians than myself. God doesn't look at us that way, that is a good thing. His mercy and grace cover us.
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