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Well, ever since the day my dad went into the hospital (October 21) every day has been dominated by the needs of my parents - which is understandable. I have spent at least 8 hours a day since the funeral working on getting my dad's estate in order and helping my mom. Today is no different - I meet with the estate attorney this morning, and with her psychiatric team this afternoon. I've been up scanning docs and that sort of thing since 6 this morning.
Tomorrow I will be helping her pack. And that afternoon, I have to work in a damn MEDIATION PHONE CALL with my mentally ill brother because he's freaking out over everything and thinks I'm trying to screw him over. I don't know how many times he has to be told that my dad left everything to my mother, who is very much alive. Yes, I am helping her get things settled, but I am not abusing my position. On the contrary, I'm working my butt off trying to get her finances lined out so that she has a steady income that will pay for her care and expenses for the rest of her life without running through her money like a hot knife through butter. This work benefits everyone - first and foremost my mother but also her heirs. Of course, my brother can't see that and instead is freaking out thinking I'm ruining his life.
So he continues to be all drag and no lift and to add to the drama of my life.
Not that it's any consolation to you, but my totally sane but do-nothing brother thought the same thing about me when my mom passed away. I had handled my Mom's finances for 6 years and helped move her into assisted living. But even though he didn't even visit her for the last 16 years of her life (well before she even got Alzheimers), he believes that I "manipulated" her estate. Yeah, sure - I had to account for every cent of her finances to her estate attorney. I hope YOUR brother "gets" the reality of your Mom's situation.
On a brighter note, I'm SO glad your Mom picked out where she will live. It will make the transition so much easier. I will bet that she really comes to enjoy all the company, activities, and other benefits she will experience there, and will make a lot of new friends too. Good on you for doing so much for your family!
Fabulous news - my mother chose one of the independent living facilities (the one with the top rating in this area - and of course the most expensive, but hey, it's her money), and she plonked down the security deposit and is on the waiting list for the apartment she wants!!!!! Projected move in date will be December 1!!!!!!
Wow, that was easy - and I didn't even have to sell her on it. She made up her own mind. Go, Mom!!!!!
KA, thank you for the update. I am so delighted for you and your family that your mom is happily and voluntarily moving into an independent living facility. And, I am even more delighted that she has the funds to pay for it.
I am thrilled with the progress on Mom's move and on the estate in general. My dad left things in good order and I am not the executor (thank God) but it's up to me to get the necessary info TO the executor. Meeting with him today. Then meeting with Mom's geriatric psychologist this afternoon after having lunch with her. THEN we are probably going shopping together for some odds and ends and for a love seat for her new place (her current sofa is too big).
Of course, I have several family members - mainly one of my brothers and one of my kids - who are feeding off of each other and are suspicious and think I'm working Mom like a puppet and pressuring her to move and to make financial decisions that she doesn't understand that somehow I will benefit unfairly from yada yada yada.
But I don't see any of them spending 6-8 hours a day every day helping Mom. Nor are they calling ME and asking me directly what's going on. Instead they are sitting around conjuring up imaginary circumstances and ulterior motives (that I don't have) and basically stirring up trouble. It really ticks me off.
They clearly have no idea that every financial move I make as her POA and with the estate is going to be scrutinized by the executor of my dad's will. They have no idea how any of this works, so instead they sit around yacking among themselves and getting crunk while I'm trying to take care of business, get my mom's finances laid out so that she never runs out of money, and get her moved into a safe place.
That is amazing that your mother has made the decision to move to assisted living and it sounds like the move is going smoothly.
Actually it is better for you that you are not the executor - if your brother or other family members knew anything about it, they would know you have no power over the distribution of the estate which totally goes to your mother anyway. If they are going to complain, refer them to the executor to deal with them.
This sounds like a case of your brother having the expectation that your mom and dad would bail him out now or in the future and now that possibility is gone. Thank heavens your mom knew enough not to have him move in - it would have made her move to assisted living so much more difficult with his presence in her home.
Hope all continues to go well for you and your mother!
Fabulous news - my mother chose one of the independent living facilities (the one with the top rating in this area - and of course the most expensive, but hey, it's her money), and she plonked down the security deposit and is on the waiting list for the apartment she wants!!!!! Projected move in date will be December 1!!!!!!
Wow, that was easy - and I didn't even have to sell her on it. She made up her own mind. Go, Mom!!!!!
Yes!!
I have seen this weird phenomenon of expectations of inheritance repeatedly play out in our family & our friends'. What about the surviving spouse being the sole heir is so hard to understand for so many?
Last edited by historyfan; 11-09-2016 at 09:14 AM..
Reason: additional
Just talked with my mom who is happily wandering around in her house picking out what she's going to take to her new place!
I'm so glad to hear that this process is going smoothly for you. I wish she could move sooner than Dec. 1, but it's not that far away. My Mom moved after my father died and was really happy with the food, activities and new friends at the place she moved to.
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