Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But how would I do that? Hire a private investigator? I don't know my son's first or last name. I don't know where they live...even though we exchanged letters, I know very little about them.
Have you done DNA testing? It could lead to you two connecting one day.
His adoptive mother and I exchanged letters for about 3 years... and I knew my baby's first name, and the first names of his mom and dad.
She would send me pictures and tell me his developmental milestones, and his interests.
Could you expect that the curiosity of a now adult be given accurate information by this (rather nice sounding) adoptive mother?
Because that is where the questions need to/should start.
I'm not sure I understand your question...but I will try to answer.
First of all, I agree with you, the adoptive mother was very nice, and I always thought, very kind. She would always send me pictures of him, and tell me what his interests seemed to be, and the funny things he would do. He was a big Buzz Lightyear fan. :-) and I know they got him a drum set, and had started taking drumming lessons.
On my end, I gave a box full of Indian jewelry that my dad had made, with a note that his bio grandfather had made the items, and that we were part indian. She said when he got old enough, they would show him the items and explain the significance to him. I also packed a Green Day tape...the song Time of Your Life for him, with a note explaining why it was important to me, and...him.
I was told by my case worker that when the adoption was finalized in the courtroom, there was a lot of family there, and everyone started crying when the adoption was finalized.
So...yes, I hope his parents had good things to say about me. But I also hope (kind of) that he is so happy, and so secure, that maybe he doesn't feel the need to know me. I did the best I knew to do at the time.
At 10:36 a.m. EDT today I received this appreciated feedback:
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous
Outstanding post jb! Please keep posting!
On July 25 I received this comment:
Quote:
Originally Posted by anonymous
once again ... you are taking the wrong side in a hot topic. At least you're consistant.
I guess this is an unsettled topic. I believe parent-child relationships are the last thing we should unsettle. Think of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0BUsDf0dxY
The opening lyrics are "I would not give you false hopes on this strange and mournful day but the mother and child reunion is only a motion away...."
I don't think most adoptees are begging for full time lifetime contact with birth family. I think most would be happy if they could just obtain their original birth certificate and birth information when they reach 18, or even 21, so that they can finally learn their own identity. Then have the choice to reclaim it or not. It's their identity, they should be allowed to be the one to choose.
Absolutely agree with this. Everyone has the right to know where they came from.
If adoptive parents are good loving parents, I doubt the adoptees would jump up and leave them for the biological parents- just not realistic.
Absolutely agree with this. Everyone has the right to know where they came from.
If adoptive parents are good loving parents, I doubt the adoptees would jump up and leave them for the biological parents- just not realistic.
It's a great way to encourage abortion, if a "donor" family or mother cannot be assured against unwanted intrusions. It's a great way to discourage adopting families, i a "donor" parent can arrive and stir the pot virtually any time they want. I see no reason why "reforms" need to unsettle constructive relationships.
It's a great way to encourage abortion, if a "donor" family or mother cannot be assured against unwanted intrusions. It's a great way to discourage adopting families, i a "donor" parent can arrive and stir the pot virtually any time they want. I see no reason why "reforms" need to unsettle constructive relationships.
I agree, which as I said is one of the reasons my wife and I adopted from overseas. We've told our kids that if they want to explore their roots, we'll help in whatever way we can. They've both said that if they do choose to search (they haven't decided if they want to or not), they'd like us to go to Korea with them (for moral support if nothing else), and we've said we'd be happy to do so. But until they're adults, we're not doing any searching. They have one set of parents (i.e. us); they don't need any potential pot-stirrers trying (either consciously or not) to undermine our parental role while they are still minors under our care.
We've also warned them to be prepared for the possibility that their birth parents might not want to have any contact with them. Real life isn't always like a Hallmark movie.
Could you expect that the curiosity of a now adult be given accurate information by this (rather nice sounding) adoptive mother?
Because that is where the questions need to/should start.
You know... I didn't really understand what you were asking the other day, when I first replied to this, but believe it or not, I DO agree with you. When I gave up my parental rights, I knew very very well that I was not the parent. I gave up (forever) the right to parent that child. But I was an adult who made that choice, hard hard are as it was.
There are lots of women and girls who had their babies taken away from them. Or forced to give their babies up. They would likely ( and rightfully) have a different outlook.
It's a great way to encourage abortion, if a "donor" family or mother cannot be assured against unwanted intrusions. It's a great way to discourage adopting families, i a "donor" parent can arrive and stir the pot virtually any time they want. I see no reason why "reforms" need to unsettle constructive relationships.
It's not all about the adoptive parent. It's about an adopted human being wanting to know who they are and where they came from. Their rights, if they wish to know, should never be arbitrarily abrogated.
And let's not pretend that abortion rights have anything to do with this.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
