Why adoption is not for everyone (orphan, stories, children)

[no kudzu]

Thought provoking article hits on important issues in adoption.

When orphan care goes bad: Russell Moore on why adoption is not for everyone - The Washington Post

[katharsis]

We adopted two children, one of whom didn't attach to us until she was 20. Life with her (from age 5 until she left our home at 18) was sheer HELL.

The problem is, as the article said, is that the only people who know what life can be like for children who were abandoned, abused and/or severely neglected are those people who have lived with a child like this before. We attended classes, had our psyches and histories scrutinized, read dozens of books and hundred of articles, etc., etc. -- but NOTHING prepared us for the reality.

The problem is that well-intentioned and "good" people who want to make a difference are often blinded by good intentions and optimism. Even though we were "warned", we thought that with enough love and care, with fair and consistent discipline, with therapy, with a multitude of activities, etc., etc., etc., we would prove successful. Yes, our daughter, as I said, DID finally bond with us, but not before she had caused us thousands of hours of agony and heartbreak.

[AnywhereElse]

Originally Posted by whocares811

We adopted two children, one of whom didn't attach to us until she was 20. Life with her (from age 5 until she left our home at 18) was sheer HELL.

The problem is, as the article said, is that the only people who know what life can be like for children who were abandoned, abused and/or severely neglected are those people who have lived with a child like this before. We attended classes, had our psyches and histories scrutinized, read dozens of books and hundred of articles, etc., etc. -- but NOTHING prepared us for the reality.

The problem is that well-intentioned and "good" people who want to make a difference are often blinded by good intentions and optimism. Even though we were "warned", we thought that with enough love and care, with fair and consistent discipline, with therapy, with a multitude of activities, etc., etc., etc., we would prove successful. Yes, our daughter, as I said, DID finally bond with us, but not before she had caused us thousands of hours of agony and heartbreak.

The amazing thing is that if the quoted had adopted more than two children, I would have thought I knew her. I heard the exact same story from someone that I knew. I was so surprised since I didn't know her that well and she was doing so well with the other children she had adopted, both she and her husband. This older girl showed up and she seemed shocked to even see her there and she later told me who the girl was. I really feel for people that end up in this situation especially since so many people don't understand what it is like behind closed doors. I could just punch anybody who says "Well, they would be fine if they just had someone to love them."

We read through a lot of case histories when we were looking at adoption. We both came from much better homes than we ever realized! I think that is part of the problem; people do not realize the situations that a child can go through in a bad home.