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I have been to over 100 bridal showers and I have never seen or heard of anyone giving cash. Sure it is always an option but generally the invite says the registry info. I much prefer selecting a gift off a registry.
I recently received an invite to my future SIL's bridal shower. No registry info was listed so I asked the other sister who is handling the RSVP's where she is registered. The response i got was that she wants cash. Who doesn't want cash? Still, I think giving cash for a bridal shower is both impersonal and tacky ... and I don't even know what the right amount of cash would be to give.
The other sister is giving $150 which I think is insane ... that is what you would give as a single guest @ the WEDDING. I usually spend between $50-$75 on a gift.
I want to still give a gift, which I know I can do, but I also know that it not @ all what my SIL wants ...nand I feel if I give less than $150, now I look bad compared with the other sister ... and we're pretty well to do so I would think my SIL would be expecting a lot more from me.
Anyway ... thoughts? The other thing to mention is this shower is 8 hours away so I am also either driving or flying which is expensive, it is not like down the street. Thanks for your thoughts!
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Years ago I remember my wife going to showers where they had a "Money Tree" and guests would attach bills to it. I cannot remember whether they still brought another gift or not, this was in the 1980s when she had friends getting married. When you consider the typical toaster or box of wine glasses was about $15-20 back then, it seems that now in 2022 one would spend a good $75-$100 on a wedding gift just due to inflation.
Your future SIL is confused. The purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with things to ease her life as a bride. Those things are either for the home, or personal, like lingerie, but, gasp, not cash. I would buy something like an Instapot, wrap it nicely, and not give it another thought. I have a hunch you will not be the only one showing up with a wrapped box.
I find this scenario a bit mind-boggling. If the bride doesn’t need or want physical gifts, she doesn't need a shower thrown for her.
My husband and I were merging our two households and we didn’t need another “thing” bought for us, so we didn’t have any showers just to suck money out of our friends and family.
My MIL wasn’t happy about us turning down engagement parties and showers but my mom thought it was great to do what we wanted instead of going along with (imo, outdated) customs just because “that’s the way it’s always been done.”
I wouldn’t fly or drive for 8 hours to a shower either. All my relatives are at least an 8 hour drive away and they’ve never sent an invite to a bridal or baby shower in the last 30 years. It wouldn’t even occur to us to expect people to travel such a distance for a 2-3 hour event.
I find this scenario a bit mind-boggling. If the bride doesn’t need or want physical gifts, she doesn't need a shower thrown for her.
My husband and I were merging our two households and we didn’t need another “thing” bought for us, so we didn’t have any showers just to suck money out of our friends and family.
My MIL wasn’t happy about us turning down engagement parties and showers but my mom thought it was great to do what we wanted instead of going along with (imo, outdated) customs just because “that’s the way it’s always been done.”
I wouldn’t fly or drive for 8 hours to a shower either. All my relatives are at least an 8 hour drive away and they’ve never sent an invite to a bridal or baby shower in the last 30 years. It wouldn’t even occur to us to expect people to travel such a distance for a 2-3 hour event.
Agree, why have a shower if they don't need anything? Asking for money is TACKY as heck! Showers are for people to buy things for the house the couple will need.
My hub and I did the same, merging two households, we didn't have anything, no engagement, wedding shower, heck, we went away to be married, so no gift grab wedding either.
I also would not travel that far or long for a gift grab event.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdawg8181
I have been to over 100 bridal showers and I have never seen or heard of anyone giving cash. Sure it is always an option but generally the invite says the registry info. I much prefer selecting a gift off a registry.
I recently received an invite to my future SIL's bridal shower. No registry info was listed so I asked the other sister who is handling the RSVP's where she is registered. The response i got was that she wants cash. Who doesn't want cash? Still, I think giving cash for a bridal shower is both impersonal and tacky ... and I don't even know what the right amount of cash would be to give.
The other sister is giving $150 which I think is insane ... that is what you would give as a single guest @ the WEDDING. I usually spend between $50-$75 on a gift.
I want to still give a gift, which I know I can do, but I also know that it not @ all what my SIL wants ...nand I feel if I give less than $150, now I look bad compared with the other sister ... and we're pretty well to do so I would think my SIL would be expecting a lot more from me.
Anyway ... thoughts? The other thing to mention is this shower is 8 hours away so I am also either driving or flying which is expensive, it is not like down the street. Thanks for your thoughts!
You're in a tough spot because this is family. Is it your sibling marrying SIL or your SO's siblings side? If it is his side, make sure you discuss what you're planning to do with him, whether it's a gift or cash.
I agree, asking for cash is tacky, tackier than giving cash unless you really do not know the bride well enough to wing it.
I agree with $150 being insane. Way too much IMO, the most I'd give is $50 to $75 because most shower gifts are usually $50 each, then add taxes and shipping. It sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place because you're successful, SIL and her future hub will be expecting more from you.
Since this is family, I assume you have to show your face in person? I personally would not be going to any event with COVID still out there. It's not bad in the US, I hear it is bad in other countries. I'm not sure why that would be. Maybe we will get another wave coming in?
If it was me, I would be sending a gift plus card in the mail. Crazy to spend gas money to drive 8 hours at $4 something a gallon, then there are all of the airline rules. No thanks.
When will the wedding be? I'd wait with the shower gift until the actual wedding day if I could. Why travel that far twice?
I decided im not going to go & will prob just mail a giftcard. 2 of the sisters live near eachother so that sister will go but me & the other are on opposite sides of the country so the one in CA isnt going (I’m on the east coast). I dont feel bad about not going if the other sister isnt (there are 3 sisters & me)
Glad everyone agrees lol. Cash is wrong on so many levels.
I decided im not going to go & will prob just mail a giftcard. 2 of the sisters live near eachother so that sister will go but me & the other are on opposite sides of the country so the one in CA isnt going (I’m on the east coast). I dont feel bad about not going if the other sister isnt (there are 3 sisters & me)
Glad everyone agrees lol. Cash is wrong on so many levels.
Glad you made a decision that was probably painless. I wouldn't have gone either since it's not close to where you live.
I had a full household when my fiancé moved in with me (he's much younger) and the last thing we needed was more junk. I did not have a shower for many reasons: I hate going to other people's showers, I don't have that many friends, and I don't need any stuff.
For our wedding however, we told folks the only present we wanted was for them to celebrate with us and if they felt the need to give a gift please donate cash towards the honeymoon. A handful of folks didn't give us anything which was fine, and all other cash gifts were either $50 or $100. It didn't feel tacky for me because we didn't expect a gift, period.
Cash is king; I give cash at bridal showers and weddings. That way, the bride/couple can spend it on whatever they want and how they want without being locked-in to something. The green is handy, nobody hates cash.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS
I have been to over 100 bridal showers and I have never seen or heard of anyone giving cash. Sure it is always an option but generally the invite says the registry info. I much prefer selecting a gift off a registry.
I recently received an invite to my future SIL's bridal shower. No registry info was listed so I asked the other sister who is handling the RSVP's where she is registered. The response i got was that she wants cash. Who doesn't want cash? Still, I think giving cash for a bridal shower is both impersonal and tacky ... and I don't even know what the right amount of cash would be to give.
IMO showers are for ppl who are just starting out or couples that need stuff for a household. Some use it for honeymoon money too.
I didn’t even have a shower…because we didn’t need anything AND it was in the middle of a pandemic, or I would have just had a small luncheon, no gifts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS
The other sister is giving $150 which I think is insane ... that is what you would give as a single guest @ the WEDDING. I usually spend between $50-$75 on a gift.
Just give what you would spend on a gift.
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