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I live in Phoenix, and while I enjoy everything it has to offer, it's been really difficult to make solid friendships. People seem nice and pleasant initially, but after exchanging numbers and saying "let's meet up sometime", they kind of vanish. If I follow up, they typically take forever to respond and say they have a busy week/month/year/etc.
I lived in Chicago and NYC before, and it was completely opposite. There were plenty of people who were interested in making friends and actually DOING things together.
How are LA/Denver/Bay Area/ San Diego in that regard? At this point, I would like to find a group of people I'd be able to build solid lasting friendships with.
If it matters, I'm single childfree, educated well-traveled mid 30's professional. Portable job so can live in any of the cities on my potential list so affordability part is not a factor.
Probably varies based on what your interests are. If you are fringe with your activities, places with the largest populations will have the most opportunity. If you are fairly mainstream, then the odds change.
Denver seems to be a difficult city to make friends in (based on first hand experience and from others). It's not that people aren't friendly, but there is a certain "aloof" nature here. People are very caught up into their hobbies in the mountains, so unless you are in that same head space, it will be a challenge to pin people down. Our population is also very turbulent at the moment, so you'll make a great friend, only to have them move away 6 months later. We aren't as diverse compared to other major cities, so your experience will really depend on what your interests are. There also seems to be a lot of married/coupled people who move here, so not exactly the active single types you would expect to run into.
I have heard many positive things about LA. I am a consultant, and will spend a week at a time in the city. I can go out on any given night, talk to some people, and end up having great people to meet up with whenever I come back. And actually, the people I have met in Denver who came from LA say the same thing. They have a hard time meeting people in Denver, as they are used to a more diverse and open crowd. No matter what your interest/background, you can find a community in LA.
San Diego is a little more mixed. I have heard equally positive and negative things. First hand, I felt the population was extremely friendly and welcoming. But I never made any connections that I felt like I could rely on if I were to re-visit. It also seemed like you run into more couples/married folks than just large groups of people.
Bay Area has to be the worst. I am in the Bay Area about 35-40% of the time for work. My first hand experience wasn't very positive. People are not unfriendly, but not outwardly welcoming. So while you could approach a stranger and ask for directions, it's probably not the place were a run in will turn into something more.
So IMO, the order would be: LA > San Diego/Denver > Bay Area
I’ve also found most of the folks in L.A. to be generally friendly and easy to talk to- granted most of these exchanges are quite casual and made on excursions up there were we are out and about in some public context and we may never meet again but some folks even in that casual context have become people with whom we socialize again with.
When I first moved to San Diego I found it to be a bit cliquish, but then again I was then a mostly small town young man and entering the gay community as well as a large city so some cliquish behavior was to be expected. Now 30 years later and coupled up we both have dozens of great friends- mostly straight- and meet new, interesting and fun folks with whom we have an instant connection with all the time. Whether it’s at the theater or ballet, or hockey and baseball games we meet people all the time with whom we’ve become good friends with that we continue to socialize with in different activities than when we first met.
I don’t know enough about Denver though I’ve been there a few times but I agree that the Bay Area is going to be the most challenging in that regard- and I’m a Northern California boy.
I’ve also found most of the folks in L.A. to be generally friendly and easy to talk to- granted most of these exchanges are quite casual and made on excursions up there were we are out and about in some public context and we may never meet again but some folks even in that casual context have become people with whom we socialize again with.
When I first moved to San Diego I found it to be a bit cliquish, but then again I was then a mostly small town young man and entering the gay community as well as a large city so some cliquish behavior was to be expected. Now 30 years later and coupled up we both have dozens of great friends- mostly straight- and meet new, interesting and fun folks with whom we have an instant connection with all the time. Whether it’s at the theater or ballet, or hockey and baseball games we meet people all the time with whom we’ve become good friends with that we continue to socialize with in different activities than when we first met.
I don’t know enough about Denver though I’ve been there a few times but I agree that the Bay Area is going to be the most challenging in that regard- and I’m a Northern California boy.
OP, where do you live in Phoenix? Because yes, this does matter.
OP if you are in Scottsdale, Tempe (near ASU), or Gilbert you aren't going to find much differences between here and Southern California. This is because Californians, being our #1 transplant and 9 out of 10 being Southern Californians, are relocating to these areas en masse. If you are in an area of the city with less transplants and more locals, like Glendale or Chandler, and still deal with these issues then Southern California may have enough differences to make it right. But Phoenix has been dealing with a mass Southern California exodus since the 1980s or so if you don't find Phoenicians to be social it 9 out of 10 will be the same in LA and San Diego. Phoenix is pretty similar to LA at the end of the day, as much as I would like to protest that, it's fairly true.
Born and raised Phoenicians do behave differently than Californians contrary to popular belief. I find as someone born and raised in Phoenix I have an easier time with Northern Californians in regards to getting along. I strongly do not like the vibe I get in Los Angeles when I visit from the people who are there. San Diego is a bit better in my opinion, but after going to Southern California almost every year for 20 years or something now my opinion is pretty solidified.
I too have problems with the social scene in Phoenix. I will agree with you that Phoenicians can be pretty flaky. It sounds like you are a lot like me and if that's the case Los Angeles or San Diego won't solve your problems. You need a place much more drastically different than Phoenix, like San Francisco.... or Seattle.
Denver seems to be a difficult city to make friends in (based on first hand experience and from others). It's not that people aren't friendly, but there is a certain "aloof" nature here. People are very caught up into their hobbies in the mountains, so unless you are in that same head space, it will be a challenge to pin people down. Our population is also very turbulent at the moment, so you'll make a great friend, only to have them move away 6 months later. We aren't as diverse compared to other major cities, so your experience will really depend on what your interests are. There also seems to be a lot of married/coupled people who move here, so not exactly the active single types you would expect to run into.
I have heard many positive things about LA. I am a consultant, and will spend a week at a time in the city. I can go out on any given night, talk to some people, and end up having great people to meet up with whenever I come back. And actually, the people I have met in Denver who came from LA say the same thing. They have a hard time meeting people in Denver, as they are used to a more diverse and open crowd. No matter what your interest/background, you can find a community in LA.
San Diego is a little more mixed. I have heard equally positive and negative things. First hand, I felt the population was extremely friendly and welcoming. But I never made any connections that I felt like I could rely on if I were to re-visit. It also seemed like you run into more couples/married folks than just large groups of people.
Bay Area has to be the worst. I am in the Bay Area about 35-40% of the time for work. My first hand experience wasn't very positive. People are not unfriendly, but not outwardly welcoming. So while you could approach a stranger and ask for directions, it's probably not the place were a run in will turn into something more.
So IMO, the order would be: LA > San Diego/Denver > Bay Area
I think this is a good take on Denver. If you are in to climbing, yoga, hiking, skiing, kayaking it is not that hard to find a crew. If you’re not it is more challenging. People love to go do stuff here, not just hang out.
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